Dear U.S Immigration,

I know we haven't spoken in a while but I now that you've once again called upon my attention and my money, I have a few questions for you.
Remember how you had me and my (non-fake) husband send in copy after copy, document after document and endless amounts of proof that our marriage was not a fraud, remember that?
And how we did, and how you eventually granted me a temporary green card.... Well, now that it's been two years and we're still married and you are requesting all that paper work again (with a bran new check) it seems to me you could have just saved it somewhere. Say, on a computer file? No?
So we'll have to round up all that stuff again, to prove to you again, that we are still not a fraud? And I have to drive to Salt Lake City to get my finger prints taken (cause we all know how those can change over the years) and finally you will once again have me pay a doctor (chosen by you, not any doctor will do, they have to be extra expensive) to establish that I (still) don't have tuberculoses or HIV.
Did I get all that right?
Splendid, it's always a pleasure hearing from you.

I think I might be too old to snowboard. I hit my tailbone bad yesterday, getting off the lift... not trying to do an invert or anything, and I'm so sore today. I need to look for skis, this is not going to work out.

Christmas is pretty much over at home. We're pretty much waiting for it to start over here. It's finally snowing, lovely! Need to go outside enjoy this white fluff after lunch.

Throwing quite the party

Dylan is throwing up. He was fine and then he was fine and then he farted a little and then he was puking everywhere. Come to think of it, I have not spent a Christmas with this family without somebody throwing up.... last year it was me and Kelso.
But hopefully this is just a quick bug...otherwise the ski trip Friday could be a real downer.

On a brighter note, it snowed tonight.

We got to north Idaho last night and there's hardly any snow here either. It was nice driving the windy 8 hours from Sun Valley to Cd'A without snow, I'll admit that...But I do kind of wish for a white Christmas and I definitly want the slopes to get some fluff on them. A season pass to a brown mountain is not a good thing.

Merry Mary Married Joseph

Tonight I’m going to do something I haven’t done in a long time. I’m going to read a book for fun. Not trying to learn anything.
It’s going to be completely unproductive and absolutely fabulous.
Gotta do some laundry. Gotta do some packing.
Just wrapped some gifts and picked up chocolate and candy canes for the treats I’m cooking up tomorrow.
The holiday season has begun.

Doppfelganger

Random girl coming up to me in the Rendezvous: How much of the stuff from the last quiz is going to be on the final!?! I mean, do you know??
Me: …eh, what?
Girl (annoyed): Duh, you’re in my math class!
Me: Oh.. no, I’m not.
Girl (still annoyed): yahaa!…what section are you in?
Me: I’m really not in your math class… I’m positive.
Girl (hesitant): yeah….. you are. Right?

So I must have a lookalike. And it seems like she’s good at math. Cool.

Good News

When I’m done here, getting my third college degree, if I want…. If I really want, I can get my job at Ruby Tuesday back!

I'm not even kidding, we went there to dinner with the Swedish girls last night and the manager told me, straight to my guacamole-filled face, that he would hire me back on the spot if I wanted it.
That’s such great news, cause I really miss that place. Ever since I left I don’t feel like people truly listen to me when I list salad dressings or lemonade flavours. Nobody cares to yell at me when their steak is too rare or too done or too steaky.
I don’t get to tell people where to sit anymore.
Last night we were sitting at table 31 and behind us, at table 32, was a family with kids. When they were done their server was crawling around under the table, scarping up crayons and pieces of Goldfish crackers from the carpet, and I was just looking at her thinking “that used to be me…”

And now I know that I can be me again. If I really want it.

What's cracking

Last time I went to a ballet was when we were living in Moscow, Dylan bought us tickets for Valentine’s Day and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. A guy who not only agreed to go see a ballet, but bought the tickets and initiated it, I didn’t even know the show was coming to Pullman.
The fact that he fell asleep during the second piece and only woke up briefly for intermission didn’t matter…. much, well it didn’t affect my watching the dancers - as he put it when he woke up.

Anyways, it’s been 7 years and now we’re going to a ballet again. The Nutcracker. I’ve never seen it so I’m way excited. And we’re going with a group so if he falls asleep I’ll have other people around to talk to. Or that I can pretend brought the sleeper along.

Tiffany: ever wonder what you look like?
Me: ever heard of a mirror?
Tiff: noo, but to other people…

And I get that. And I have wondered what I look like to other people. Just not in a while, I guess. Sometimes I wonder what other people think of me, I do care, I’m so not above that that I’m almost beneath it. Like yesterday when I sent an e-mail just to make sure. To smooth things over, just in case they weren’t already smooth. Things can never be too smooth, I figured.

But they’re smooth now. I think. And I think they were pretty smooth before too. But you never know how things appear to other people.

Coffee

Sometimes I down you like a child does gross cough syrup, just to do it. Get it down. Sometimes I spend $5 and get you in fancy paper cup with fluffy soy milk and enough sugary goop to satisfy an umpa lumpa. Sometimes I just add my favorite creamer and make a point out of using a mug I love and heat my hands on it and blow gently on you before each sip. I often nuke you in the microwave cause I hate it when you get all luke warm.

I remember being little, dad’s coffee smelled so good… and when he stuck his entire cinnamon roll in the mug and then squeezed it into his mouth like a saggy sponge, quickly before it disintegrated, I wanted to do it too. Only what smelled so good tasted so bad. I gaged. A great way to ruin a great snack. Mom didn’t even let me have another roll, I had to throw it away and that taught me to stay away from coffee for a long time to come; just enjoy the smell and keep your goodies out of it.
Somewhere in college coffee came on the radar again. Other people drank it. Not to accompany their cinnamon rolls but to stay awake. And I tried some, sweet stuff, mostly sugar and chocolate. It was good. Felt good.

You know that super old Jim Carrey skit from SNL….you,me,you,me,you,me? That’s how I feel about coffee sometimes. You and me, cutie cup… let’s get it on.

Random side note; I also love the smell of bacon. Not even when I ate meat did I like to eat bacon. But I love the smell.

On the importance of staying grounded

So I was thinking, maybe for New Year’s this year we’ll get a condo at a resort and invite all our friends and party until the wee hours on fancy cocktails expensive cheese.

One time in China me and Dylan ate a restaurant where they only served pizza but had a crazy long drink list and a bar that was bigger than the actual seating area. The waitress wore this tiny little fancy outfit, had super high heels and referred to all beverages as coco-tails.
“What coco-tail you want miss?”
I had a cosmo, I think. Maybe even two, we could afford it there.

So, reality check. Do we stay in Pokey, go to Lava again or come up with something brand new? Something brand new on a budget.

I was also apparently thinking my life was full of orange bubbles and whimsical patterns. Maybe I’ll have to switch back. Reality check?

Equality- it’s such a bitch

You know, I grew up confident that whenever (IF ever) I lived with a man I was not going to cook for him or do his laundry or tell him when to change his undershirts. Hell no. And I haven’t totally violated that promise… but I have realized that if I want him to fix my flat bike tires, reach things that are up high and change the furnace filters (which I do) I can’t really scream Equality! and leave his plate dirty in the sink and only wash mine without coming across as a spoiled princess (which I don’t want to).

So I fix the holes in his pockets, throw a handful of man-socks and underwear in the washer whenever I do a load and tell him to freaking change his shirt when our bed smells like locker room. I cook for him, but he cooks for me just as often. I know how to use thread and a needle, and I could teach him but A) it’s faster to do it myself and B) then he might come trying to teach my about oil filters and I seriously believe cars hate me and don’t want me to poke around in their guts.

I’m just as capable as he is to go to Wal-Mart and tell the mechanics man what to do with our car, and I do it. Just like he might as well be the one making brownies when he feels like having some, and he is. I wish he would pick up his crap from the floor. He probably wishes I would care to learn a little bit more about the car than where the key goes.
But it’s a compromise.
Not between me and my values, but between two people.

It'll happen. Or whatever.

Countdown. Semester almost over. Less than two weeks to go. Almost Christmas.
But not yet.
We scheduled a final papers work shop for Friday. That’ll be great, super helpful really. If only I have a draft by then. Which I will. Just not at the rate I’m currently going.

What I've learned today

The green Sunships, the Jalapeno Jack ones, they’re pretty good. A little too spicy for my baby palette of course, but if you eat them fast enough you can’t really tell untill you stop chewing and if you never stop chewing, you can’t really tell at all.

Shoes with no traction, slick sidewalks and a hyper dog put together will make you fall on you ass a handfull of times during a medium length walk.

My husband has really long toenails. It’s gross. I kind of want to cut them in his sleep but that would be gross too.

thursday and friday is all the same

The computers on campus don't let me post my blog entires. This is frustrating cause I never write as much for the blog as when I'm supposed to be writing other stuff. This is what I wrote last night...

So the computer lab is a fun place to be a Thursday evening, dontchathink?
I couldn’t imagine having to go home to eat dinner and watch tv and put on sweatpants (although if I were British I’d call them jogging bottoms…which is too funny).
Oh hell no.
I’d take this poorly heated, fluorescently lit, smart board decorated locale with some string cheese, diet coke, pretzels and granola bars, snug and uncomfy in jeans any day over that crap.
I love it here.
Love it.
I’m also working really hard on my paper right now.
Really hard.
Cantchatell?

Today

Snow down and Christmas decorations up and a house a couple of blocks down the street from us looks like Hollywood.

My professor did not totally bash my idea for key concept for my essay, so yay for that, now I can use the seven pages I already typed as opposed to starting over, which I was afraid was going to happen. Now I just have to go to class next week and listen to other people’s presentations and then hand in my final paper. I am not saying one more word in that class. My face is closed.

I’ve decided to tell uncle Larry that the skis are too long for me and take them back. I think doing that will only be slightly easier than growing two inches. I still kind of want new skis, but they will have to be shorter. Until then I have my board, which I’m excited to get back on. Doubt the snow will stick here in town, but hopefully Pebble is getting whiter by the day.

Dreams & Reality

Shooter is sleeping on the couch and I think he must be dreaming cause he’s making all these funny noises and little grunt sounds.
The holidays are over and I have to clean before x-mas decorating.
Right? You can’t just put the stuff on top of all the dust and crap?
No?
Okay, okay.. Fine.
Just checking.
But it won’t happen before my presentation Tuesday.

What color is this saturday?

Black friday was not nearly as insane as last year. It wasn't insane at all. Me and Crystal entered Wal-Mart at 7:30 am and it was no different than a regular blue, red or green friday. The kitchen section of Macy's and Bath & Bodyworks were the only two places close to being a little crazy. We shopped till 6pm. I got a good deal of my x-mas shopping done. Ended the day with hot tubbing and pickles at Larry and Janies. It was a good, good day.

This morning all the calves got branded and the ones with balls got them snipped. We watched football, basket ball and wedged out at Melbas. Tonight there's a light parade in Buhl. Thanksgiving is nice. A break is nice. The farm is nice.

Sunday

Woke up: early for a Sunday, 8:30
Got up: not quite as early, 9:45
Did:take Shooter for a pretty decent walk, determined to walk him till he stopped pulling and the leash started to hang loose, that’s how you know he’s tired and will be less crazy the rest of the day.
Then: made coffee and ate breakfast, nobody else was up.
The weather: cold, but not as windy nor as sunny as yesterday.
Thought about: my literature paper
Worked on: research for my literature paper
Actually accomplished: less than planned, as usual.
Dinner: leftover crab, salad, bread and cheese.
Right now: should stop this nonsense and get back my paper.

Don't call me, I'll call you

My phone is not working again. I say again, because this is certainly not the first time this has happened. Every time either I or Dylan loose our debit card, and we always loose the card the payment for my phone is set up to, my phone quits working. This is a great opportunity to do something most people don’t do nearly enough; call New Dehli. I shouldn’t say that, it could be Bangkok. Or Goa. What do I know?

I know that the phone call will take for ever. I know that I’ll have to repeat my name a million times (Aaaaaasa, Ass as in ass, A as in A… yep that’s my name, uhuh, yep… Don’t judge me Mr. Nagashikakonya...)
Then they’ll ask for my first pet’s name. Ah, Cello? you say Ms. Ass… of course, that’s a splendid name for a pet. No need to repeat it, I got it the first time!

Then you have the new card information, that’s tricky. Repeat and re-repeat.
What plan do you want to be on? Same as before we cancelled it, and what was that? You don’t know Ms. Ass…. Well how about an upgrade? No? how about a smaller, but still an upgrade, upgrade? I will not tell you what payment plan you were on before Ms. Ass because I cannot see it here. No upgrade you say. Hm. I will put you on hold now, okay? No okay? Okay!

I can make fun of foreigners because I am one. Okay?
Okay, time to make the call.

Sunny days and dark rooms

It was almost snowing this morning when I rode my bike to campus. Because I’m having problems focusing my topic for a research paper due scary soon, I spent an hour before work in the library doing research. I don’t know how much it helped my paper, but it did sooth my guilty conscience, made me feel a little ambitious. When I left the library and headed to the office, the sun was shining and the Pocatello backdrop was as gorgeous as only snowy mountains and sunshine can be. That backdrop alone makes me think I really need to get a camera.

Last night when looking for my carry on suitcase that I promised Tiffany she could borrow over break, I found a whole room I didn’t even know existed. Our house is a huge beast of a monster building. In that part of monster belly, previously unvisited, I found our spare tires (other people clearly knew about it) our x-mas decorations, AND the winter coat I’ve been looking for like mad. Until I gave up and bought a new one, two weeks ago, that is. So now I have two winter coats, x-mas stuff to throw on the walls in a couple of weeks and an even stronger sense of that there could be a whole family of fugitives living in our house that we don’t even know about.

Yes

Am I looking forward to Christmas break?
Does coconut water taste like water and the actual coconut like try wood?
Did I forget my homework in the office?
Do married cousins play the banjo?
Do I want to go over to the neighbour’s house and play with their puppies?
Do you feel really attractive when you go to Wal-Mart?

To look like shit without even having fun first

Woke up this morning with eyes puffier than marshmallows and a rash on my neck and inner arms. Don’t know what that’s all about, but it was not pretty.

Most mornings when you wake up and look like a night of many drinks, late hours and no washing your face, it's cause you had a night with many drinks, stayed out late and didn't watch your face. But this was sunday night, I didn't even wear make up, watched a movie and slept for like 9 hours.
It seems unfair.

One week left till Thanksgiving break. Which won’t be that much of a break since I have two papers to write and will be working the first two days. But at least we’ll be getting some family time and a break from Pocatello.

Nuts

When you’re not really all that rich and trying to spend your income wisely, it is a good idea to do your grocery shopping at Winco. It’s not however, such a great idea to buy coconuts, lemon grass, crab, oyster sauce and fresh asian noodles…just cause it looks interesting. Don’t you think?
I don’t like going to the grocery store much, but I obviously can’t trust that coconut to go alone.

Good Day Mate

Good lunch. Who knew Oliver’s had such a vegetarian friendly menu?
Good talk. Knew but forgot that talking about problems can help. Like pointing a flash light to a big scary monster; you realize the shadow is so much bigger than the actual thing.

Another good walk with my grey bearded pedestrian companion. Yesterday we too a long morning walk to our old neighbourhood in Old Town, poor dog was so confused.

Good job me typing almost my entire report.
Good luck trying to pull this research paper together.

Wanny go occupying and make s'mores?

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his latte before it was cool.

Seriously, I don’t see the difference between the Occupy Pocatello movement and the College of Dems going camping on a street corner.

And if these oh my god so involved people, who are freezing their asses off occupying a piece of Pocatello lawn that nobody cares about, would let an actually homeless person sleep in their bed while their laying in a tent feeling noble, then I could get behind the idea of them making some sort of change and actually helping.

But now, no. I don’t get it.

Fire & Ice

So it’s been all warm and sunny and nice lately, right? Well of course it starts snowing like winter freaking wonder land last night and this year’s half marathon was a cold and slippery one.
They did have a fire up at the top though, so that was nice… racers could huddle up and stay warm as we waited for the last bus to try to make it up the hill. But, as I’m standing there, good distance from the fire, this group of jerks pushes themselves in the crowd and I get moved a good two feet closer to the flames. At first it felt fine, but pretty soon I could feel the back of my running tights starting to melt and I tried to squeeze in between the jerks and get away from the fire but they wouldn’t let me in (cause they didn’t even see me) and when I finally made it out of the fire huddle, I realized my hair had caught on fire!
No joke.
My tights were fine, chunks of my hair was falling out. You know how burnt hair smells? Not good. That’s the smell I had in my nose for the entire half marathon. While my toes and fingers were getting frost bites.
And now I really need to get a hair cut.

Make up Wake up my mind

This has been the longest day. And it’s nowhere close to over. I still have an hour and a half… until my night class starts. I won’t be home till 10pm.
Sucks.
The computer lab is buzzing with people. I’m having a hard time finding a focus for my paper. I’m having a hard time finding focus in general. One day I’m all about leaving this domesticity and move to Marshall Islands or whatever and get a parrot instead of a cat and be nomads forever. The next I drool over strollers and want to learn how to make pot pies. One day I’m a motivated grad student zooming in on semantic shifts, the next I can’t figure out how to structure a basic sentence.
Is it Thanksgiving yet?

A Face Full of Smarties

I wonder if this year’s Halloween will do to Smarties what last year’s did to TootsieRolls? Right now it does seem we’re heading that way. Although we might run out before I can totally overeat on those powdery little things.

Next year I will be ready with candy earlier so I won’t miss the littlest trick or treaters, they’re the cutest. First group I opened the door to today were old enough to have their own kids - by southeast Idaho standards at least.

One of those crisp, sunny autumn days you should really spend at an orchard or in the woods. Me and Tiffany took Shooter for a walk and now I have to get serious about this godam paper proposal. But I just click around on random blogs instead, getting a glimpse of what other people are doing or did this Sunday.

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Halloween

It’s kind of ironic that I’m doing Halloween as princess Leia. Twice. Considering Star Wars is one of two movies I’ve walked out of the theatre while it was still playing.

But it’s not a bad costume….people get who I am, it’s reasonably comfortable, I get to have cool hair and a gun.

The other movie was the Devil’s Advocate.In case you were wondering. Piece of crap that one, Keanu.

I'm spelling it out....read me

I’m not feeling it. When my eyes look like this and I have tears in my voice, can’t you tell I’m not feeling it? Stop talking to me. Leave me alone. The outside is actually reflecting the inside right now, so please back off.

gross kid in class

Today in class I peeled off most of the fancy nail polish I got at the manicure two weeks ago. I have remover at the house, I’m just too lazy to actually use it. Anyways, I got some tiny flakes and some real big pieces and when class was over I had a little sparkling pile on my desk that I brushed into my palm and dumped into the trash.
Then I looked up to see the face of the guy who had been sitting behind me. He looked like I had been picking my nose all class long and then put my buggers on a sandwich….
I didn’t think nail polish was that gross. I mean, I get that it’s not exactly the classiest behaviour I was conducting here…. But come on, it’s not that bad, right?

Lazy ass

So if I spend two hours today translating texts for your project, you think you could do a little something for me?
It won’t take more than half an hour.
No?
Ok.
Just checking.
Glad we left bright and early this morning so we could be back in time for your nap.

Casual Friday, I’ve been wearing my yoga pants all day at work. Love it.
If I didn’t have to (or felt the pressure to) sometimes dress up for work and other occasions, I’d wear gym clothes all the time. And my hair is finally long enough to wear in a high knot, like a big saggy bun on the top of my head. Which is great cause now I can literally do my hair in less than a minute.
I’m pretty high fashion.

5000 candles in the wind

You know when you get those childhood flashbacks and for a second it’s just like you were 5 again and totally oblivious of dead-lines, midterms, pay checks and all those grown up headaches. All you care about is who makes better hot chocolate (mom or grandma?) and how late you can stay up tonight.
I get those moments from candles. In the winter time we’d always have candles on the kitchen table and eat breakfast and dinner with no other light (except the one over the sink so you could actually see to butter your toast) and I’ve loved candle light ever since. We’d even have a candle in the bathroom (only in the winter) and I’d light it, shower real warm and barely be able to see my feet.

I picked up a few scented candles from Wal-Mart the other day. I’m not denying being a big fan of a lot of the real American scents like Mulled Cider, Pecan Pie, Hot Apple Pie, Pumpkin Spice and I decided it’s finally fall enough to really crank those out.
But there’s nothing sentimental about the scented candles. To get the real spirit, I need the plain white long candles, burning the cat’s whiskers, the plants in the window, all the kids’ fingers and sometimes a little piece of the table cloth.
Now that’s childhood.

I lied

I was so full of shit. As if talking about inner peace would some how make it happen. Not so.

If this is the easy way out, it definitely wasn’t easy to take. If had a normal boss who wasn’t cool with her staff crying hysterically in their office instead of working for at least an hour a day, maybe I would have had to make this decision a long time ago, now it came down to last minute. But I sent the e-mails, I went and talked to the department secretary (embarassed I cried in front of her), now all I have to do is go online and officially drop the class.

It sucks, I feel like such a quitter. But I couldn’t do it any longer. I’ve cried every day for the last two weeks. I’ve had a non-stop stomach ache, been waking up in the middle of the night freaking out about school, I haven’t had lunch in over a week. I hate the bitter grouch I've become. I physically cannot do it any longer.

stress that

Seriously, I’m so sick of leaving class every Monday night feeling like the biggest idiot ever. You know what, I already have a master’s degree- in my first language. I should have nothing to prove to you high-brow, nose in the air, stick up your butt smart asses.
I keep saying it, and I’m going to really try to live by it too… life is too short to freak out about shit that really doesn’t matter in the long run. All I can do it is my best, and I plan on trying, but there has to be time to smell the rain and enjoy the leaves falling too…otherwise what’s the point?

Buddha in da house

I never read self help books like that Chicken Soup for the Soul series, and whenever I hear advice on how to find inner peace, stress less, be a better person etc etc. I just scoff and let it go in one ear and out the other. But a while back I overheard something that has really stuck.
Someone said
“whenever I feel overwhelmed, like it’s just all too much and I can’t cope, I look up at the sky and remember how big the world is and how small I am”

Not blown away?
I wasn’t either. Never thought I’d remember it, let alone try it, but I did. And I did. And it helps.

My midterm and my presentation and the fact that our speaker for the biggest event this fall is flaking out on us three days before he’s supposed to come to Pocatello… it won’t change the universe one bit. It feels so big but it’s really so small. And most things are when put into perspective.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go cross my legs and chant oohmmmmm for the rest of the afternoon.

Hot coffee under heavy skies

Gray and rainy mornings fit my mood so well. I’m not sad or anything, but sunshine when I’m stressed just makes me feel inadequate and like I need to be all cheerful when I’m not, or don’t have time to be.
My presentation last night went all right, but I swear to God, my English is never as bad as when I speak in my seminar classes. My fifth grade self was probably more accomplished in oral English. It’s seriously embarrassing. I get so nervous I forget how to pronounce words and sound really fresh off the boat, and then when class is over, I go right back to speaking like a person. It’s not intentional, but I bet some people in my class think I’m doing it to milk foreigner points or something.

Finally

Oh Dear Fall, Welcome.
You have been most longed after. Now please stay and make yourself comfortable and I shall buy pumpkin spice and warm apple pie scented candles and start wearing socks every day. Like it.

Sunday

Another Sunday, another bunch of reading to get done for class tomorrow night.
This weekend was homecoming and it was pretty cool to actually have the parade pass by our house. It was the longest parade I’ve ever seen, almost surprised there were any people left in town to watch it. Dylan and the dudes went tailgating and did the whole game thing… but since I don’t care for football and also wanted to get a paper done, I hid in a computer lab for the afternoon.

The Bengals lost. I don’t know who they played. I got my paper done.

Just saying

If the idiots around here would all shut up right at this moment, the silence would be deafening. Maybe I’d even hear myself think about how much I despise them.

Kusin Vitamin

Just got the results back from the lab, all my values and levels and stuff are normal. Sweet!
The doctor was all like
“so you’ve been a vegetarian for almost 15 years….hm….well, you probably have every deficiency known to man and I’m going to prescribe you a huge steak”
(slightly exaggerated)
and I was all nervous and started taking multi vitamins every day, as opposed to just whenever I happen to remember which is not that often, and I’ve eaten fish twice in four days and felt really guilty about not being as nutrition conscious as I guess I should have been.
But, as it turns out, I’m golden, no deficiency whatsoever!
Eat that, doc.
Now I can hide my vitamins and go back to eating like crap again….

Last year Dylan made me be April O’Neal for Halloween and it sucked cause no one got who I was supposed to be unless I had Donatello next to me and even then they’d be like
“Oh, but her yellow jumpsuit doesn’t quite look like that, does it..?”
And I’d get all pissy and go
“well, no shit…but she’s a cartoon character. Why don’t you go tell Jessica Rabbit over there that her waist and boobs aren’t even close to the right proportions?” or something like that.
I handle criticism very well. Always have.
So yesterday when Dylan came back from the thrift store with an idea for this year’s costumes, I was beyond sceptical. But I have to hand it to him, this could be a good one. Although if I want to eat anything between now and Halloween, I will have to move some buttons around.

two equally important questions

Lots of sirens and blue lights in Pokey tonight. Going to have to check the local news websites to see what’s up.

Also, is it too early to start with Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer? I’m having a hard time with this one...

Say it to my Facebook

I hate giving presentations. Hate it! And more than that, I hate being put on the spot and forced to speak unprepared.
I should have seen this one coming though. I can see that now.

Anyways, so facebook’s a bitch. Figure it out- they change it. Can’t possibly be improving every time. Never thought I’d consider closing my account but I am. I won’t…. I mean, what can I say, that’s my main way of communicating with my sister and plenty of my friends back home. Plus I’m curious, which is fancy for I like to snoop, and really like to be able to keep track of people without keeping in touch with them. But, back to the main point, it’s getting so annoying with new features and updates and crap that it’s starting to annoy me more than keeping me entertained.

I’m old, I don’t like changes.

And who gets to decide what makes for a Top Story on there anyways? Just wondering.

the day after

Even though you buy paper plates, plastic cups and disposable silver wear, you will end up with dirty dishes. The kitchen looked like a battle field this morning, but three full garbage bags later, it really wasn’t too bad.

We’ve forgotten to put our garbage out for the last two weeks. There’s an impressive collection out there right now.

I was happily surprised that no one had used the fancy wine glasses. I suppose that’s why some people get fancy wine glasses, so that people can use them at parties… not me though. I’d encourage my guests to admire the nice glasses while drinking from a red keg cup.

I almost threw away the spoon holder rather than washing it cause it had dried up barbecue sauce all over it and I hate barbecue sauce and the way it smells.

I did throw away an almost full box of bran flakes since somebody had spilled an unidentified liquid into it.

I’d rather drink a bottle of barbecue sauce than go to my night class tomorrow. I tried to prepare, took notes on Russian formalism and read all the readings, thoroughly and twice. It won’t help. It will still be horrible. I know it.

Saturday

Saturday at the office. Because I can do homework here in peace and quiet. Started the day with a yoga date with Tiffany; sunshine, grass and yoga mats.

Followed up by a bucket of coffee and humming computer sounds. My paper on Uncle Tom’s Cabin is pretty damn far from amazing. But it’s also pretty damn close to being finished; I don’t have time to dwell on it much longer.
More to read, more to write.

Tonight we’re having the housewarming BBQ- I hope we get a good crowd. Dylan made home made ice cream last night, we’re busting out the grills, Adam is making guacamole, Tiffany said she’d bring Sangria… and the sun is out.
Bring it!
Although, not yet… more homework first.

Edit that

Rainy day in Poke-a-tater. Kind of nice, for a change. Hoping for some sunny rays for our BBQ tomorrow but except for when I’m planning outdoors activities, I really don’t mind the clouds.

Here’s another cloud, though that’s hanging over me like a damp blanket: Dylan was real nice and bought all the books I needed for my classes for me, online from this site where he found them much cheaper than at the bookstore.
Great.

Only he bought the old editions of like every single book and now I don’t have the right page numbers, some chapters are missing, the numbers for the assignments are all backwards… I spend more time copying pages than actually reading them. It’s driving me bananas and now I’m thinking I’m just going to go to the damn bookstore and by the right edition of the anthology we use in my most difficult lit. class.

Dylan might flip, but I’ll flip him right back.

Stranger (no) Danger

Just a moment ago when I was walking home from my night class there was a guy walking behind me almost the entire time. I couldn’t decide whether to speed up to create some distance or slow down so he would pass me. I ended up doing neither and he was at a constant 10 steps behind me for a good half mile. It was really more awkward than scary. I reminded myself of how exaggerated the whole ‘stranger danger’ thing is and that ISU is a fairly safe campus. That is what I tell the freshmen during our presentations so I mean, I have to live as I learn, right?

Anyways, I wonder if he thought it was a little weird too? Like he really
wanted to either pass or have a greater distance as well, but he didn’t have time to sag behind and would have had to really speed walk to pass….

Either way, at 10th street our paths were separated and that’s the end of this story.

Day, you suck!

Oh this day, this day...

so long and so not over. Earlier today I wrote this long, ranty post about things I really hate and dislike and things that just bug me in general. But I never posted it cause I thought it was too mean.
Not like me at all, I know.
Am I getting sappy? Well, yes and I’ll tell you why.
We’re going rafting this weekend and I’m slightly nervous about it. Near death experiences humble you, you know.

Wrote a response paper on T.S Eliot’s Death by Water and felt how it spoke to me…

If I’m still dry and kicking next week I’ll write something mean, promise. Now I have to study.

zzz instead of www

So this guy came to install my office computer this morning. In skin tight jeans only Katy Perry would approve of and army boots shiny as his pony tail he got to work. About an hour ago he came into the library office where I’m temporarily positioned and got a bunch of stuff from this computer onto a jump drive. Half an hour ago I walked passed my office on my way to the restrooms and saw the ponytail resting on the back of my office chair… army boots spread in a weird angle and arms hanging limp down his side.
Looked very much like he was asleep.
Three minutes later, he had not moved. I have not heard a sound from in there (it’s pretty much straight across the hall) since.
Should I go check on him?
Maybe he had a rough Labor Day weekend, though… and all I’m doing right now is blogging anyways….
So I should probably just let him rest.

From calmness to possible storm

I hiked up to the ISU pillars today. That was the first time I’ve been up there, even though we’ve lived for over a year now. It was not a magic moment or anything, but nice trails up there and a good way to start the day.

Followed up with some homework, still haven’t gotten as much done as I was hoping for this weekend, but considering all of Saturday was lost since my computer charger broke and then the internet was down all over campus…I’m not beating myself up over it. Small punches maybe, but no serious beat down.

Dylan just called from Phoenix. When we talked this morning he said he’d land at 6 and be home at 8. Technically he did land at 6, right on time, but in Phoenix and not Salt Lake, so there will be no being home at 8. He also asked me if I had cashed the deposit check from our old landlord. I said no, because I don’t have that check….you took it. And I know he did, because I remember asking myself at the time which was a less bad idea; for me to take the check to the gym or for him to loose it while going bowling. I guess I should have taken it…. hopefully we’ll find it when he gets home. If we don’t, and he tries to blame it on me, there will be a fight.

That would not be the best way to end the day.

Last time

I will never again discuss Swedish hair colour. Ever. I’m done, yesterday’s attempt by a co-worker made it clear to me that my patience has indeed run out. All I can master now is a bleak smile and silence as I bite the inside of my cheeks.

Not that I ever really discussed it, but I used to be half way polite and offer some feedback to people who thought it was fun to point out the obvious. Yes, blond hair is more common in Sweden than in the US. But I don’t have blond hair, no. You’re correct, your eyes are not deceiving you. I am not blond but I am still Swedish. Yes. I’m glad we figured that out so I can sleep tonight. Now, why don’t you ask me if I have ever tried Swedish pancakes or talk about your trip to Germany ten years ago.

Or better yet. Shut up.

nano, nono, nanananana...let's go shuffle

We got new internet in the house. Cable One, they call it. It’s so fast I can barely keep up. It’s like the computer is surfing itself and I’m just in awe, watching it.

This morning Rebecca and I discussed buying an iPod for the office. We talked it through and decided we definitely needed one. Only I don’t have one and neither does she, so we’re both complete dummies when it comes to what kind would actually do us better. But after some consulting from her computer savvy (more so than us, that is, which most 10 year olds are) friend, we placed an order and in 3-9 business days, we’ll have a new toy in the office.

And on the home front, we figured out why Shooter has been throwing up left and right lately… he eats the cat food. Stupid dog.

Freakin' Lucky...

I don’t really have an opinion about Kristin Cavallari. I certainly did watch the Hills, but mainly before she entered the scene and even though I watch the crap, I get that it’s not real. So anyways, she could be great or she could be a bitch. Don’t know. Didn’t care.
But now, now she’s Mark Ballas’s partner for next season’s DWTS. That means I’ll root for her regardless. I hope she’s good. Otherwise I’ll definitely have an opinion about her.

writing instead of writing

Shooter puked on the rug last night. I saw it this morning. My computer cord was in it. Gross. I did not clean it up, however. And I do feel a little bad about that…. but not too much. It’s not my dog, not my mess to clean up. When Daisy pukes little hair balls, I clean. But a huge pile of dog barf… no, not my mess.

I’m going to try to get a lot of reading done over the long weekend. I wish I was going camping or doing something fun. Going to Nick and Sarah’s wedding would definitely have been fun… but plane tickets aren’t free and I’m not a groomsman. Dylan is flying out as I’m typing this and I’m going to get back to grant proposal writing now.

Beach blog blobb

I can’t wait for fall. As in cooler weather. I’m so over this damn heat. We went out to Blackfoot yesterday and swam in the reservoir, a pithy cool down, but it really sucks there’s no water in Pocatello.

Blackfoot also treated us to some serious backboobs, pregnant men, the pierced nipples God forgot and quite the plethora of not so hot beach bods. If Lake Coeur d’Alene is where you go to see and be seen, the Blackfoot reservoir is where you wish you couldn’t see.

We made fun of a lot of people, behind their backs of course (you don’t mess with 350 lbs of hick)… and then got our windshield chipped twice on the drive back. Call it karma.

TGIF

First week of school is almost over. The thing about not having class on Fridays is that there’s no “hey, what’s everyone doing this weekend…?” at the end of class. Although since half my program seems to be recruited from a Bible school, I don’t know that it would make much of a difference anyways.

I was manning the Gender Center table at the Quad Party last night and let’s just say that when I spotted my religious class mates in the crowd, I did not wave them over to see if they’d bet interested in some free condoms.

During class on Monday we were going over this poem, and I don’t claim to get poetry, I don’t even claim to belong in this class since most the terminology is over my head and I feel like the Thai kid in the Swedish 8th grade class I was teaching a few years ago. Anyways, total side track, so we’re going over this poem and even though I don’t get much, I get that this is about a hooker. I mean, it was pretty obvious. But so this Bible dude is like
“yeah, it has so many different and interesting levels to it, where one can only guess what he means… like this about laying in bed during the day, why would anyone do that…? Who knows what he really means by that….bla bla”
And me and some of the others are looking at each other like, is he serious right now?
Finally the professor has to tell him the poem is about a working girl, but I don’t even think he believed him.

Oh, lord.

So my mom asked my niece, who just started the first grade, what she learned in school.
“Well Grandma” she said, “it’s only been two days so not very much”
They had gone over some letters, all of which she already knew. And written their names, a skill she also already masters. So overall, school was not very exciting.

I’ve spend three days in school so far, and even though I wouldn’t say I’ve been overloaded with new information (just overloaded by the sheer amount of coursework) I have learned a few new things. Like the fact that the US doesn’t have an official language. And the fact that grammar is really only syntax, not phonology, semantics and the all the other aspects of linguistic studies we often refer to as grammar.

That’s how interesting I am for the moment. Ask Adam, he just came over and decided it was more fun to sit on the porch and wait for Nate than to hang out with me.

Fall 2011, T-0

Got a lot of our shit unpacked. Have a lot of it sitting in boxes and bags still. Also have yet to clean out the old place. I’m thinking I should call our old landlady tomorrow and ask about our deposit. She really wants us out pronto, keeps asking when we’re gonna be out so she can have the carpets cleaned and stuff. But we paid for all of August (and I found her a new tenant) so unless she’s thinking of giving us some deposit back… I’m having hard time seeing what my incentive for hurrying up to tidy up would be.

And tomorrow school starts. I don’t know that I’m ready. Well, my books aren’t here yet so in that sense, I’m definitely not ready. But bring it, we’ll see how it goes.

lots now

In the process of moving. In the process of starting up the semester. Plenty to get fixed, sorted out, taken care of, stuff like that.

I have new student orientation tomorrow with the English department. I’m not counting on it being all that amusing, but it will be nice to actually be considered part of the program and meet some other new students. Last semester when I was unclassified, green and lost I constantly felt like I didn’t belong and somebody was about to blow my cover any second. Now I hope there are some other lost souls, who are nice, normal and not too pretentious.

I got my books ordered. There will be lots to read this semester. Hopefully not too much old English, cause that’s really not my forte...

Oh school. Will I ever not go there?

Dylan’s over at the house, painting and ripping carpet. He was talking about brown walls this morning… maybe I should go over there and put in my two cents about colors? Two cents, or veto.

Real life sucks

Oh sweet panic, here you are again. Books, financial aid, insurance waivers, dead lines, dead lines… I’m not ready for summer to be over. I want to go back out to Buhl, wake up to the smell of pancakes and coffee, with a yappy wiener dog licking my feet.

Old Town

The sun broke through the leaves of your squirrel infested trees and made bright patterns on the sidewalks built before wheel chairs and crutches were invented, as I walked to work this morning. The sidewalks that haven’t been touched by the hand of maintenance since then and will make you fall on your face if you dear look up and make eye contact with the people sitting out on their front steps in the a.m, amongst empty beer cans and barking dogs.

Oh, Old Town, how I complained about you. Your location. Said you were on the wrong side of the tracks when clearly, you were right where you’re supposed to be. Your people. But who am I to judge? Supply and demand as the first rule of business is probably even older than you, dear Old Town. If the crack heads all live in a place and crack is your business, then take your business to that place and you shall thrive.
Right?

Your empty windows, your shady bars, your unused and withered potential… Oh Old Town, you are the grandmother that fails to adapt to the world, the movie that nobody gets, the joke that was actually a tragedy.
I am moving soon. Moving on.
And only now do I begin to see you for what you are. Only now am I seeing the beauty of emptiness and the charm of misfits. I want you to know that I will miss you. Miss you like that grandmother when she’s gone. Like the movie when you lost that tape and it doesn’t even matter cause nobody has a VCR anymore. When I leave, you won’t be a joke. Or, you will be the best joke.

Oh, Old Town. Give me one last hug. Embrace me with filth, drugs, inappropriateness and hopelessness. For you have a place in my heart.

Sugar does it again

So my new landlord called me a while ago and I got so excited I kicked my computer over and now the damn thing won’t stop rebooting and I’m using Sammy’s computer while contemplating just leaving early. If computers can get concussions, then I’m pretty sure that’s what happened, memory loss, confusion, I think it may be nauseous too. And speaking of which… I took a little walk around campus while I still thought the rebooting thing would be a quick ordeal, and got so dizzy and shaky I had to eat all the candy we had in the office to get my blood sugar back up. We don’t normally have a huge stack of candy in here or anything but every once in a while there's a bag of left over stuff… thank god!
It took 2 star bursts, 2 pouches of Sweet Tarts, 5 laffy taffys and a big box of nerds to get me feeling like a person again. Person on major sugar rush… but a person all the same.

We got the house. We’re leaving crazy, sketchy Old Town and moving to the right side of the rail road tracks. Yeah!

W too much paper work

So it seems we got the house! That’s a major yay, right there! But I’ll hold off on details and such until I have more of them and it’s a sealed deal. Don’t want to get ahead of myself.

Two more weeks till school starts. I need to look into student loans, I need to get books. I need to figure out my work schedule. I need to get my insurance waived. I wish Dylan wasn’t hiding out in the woods while all these practical issues are needing attention. I have no car, no clue where our W2’s are, the tax forms…?
Now you’re thinking I’m all lazy and spoiled and non-independent leaving all that up to the man. Well, eventually I’ll get my hands dirty doing taxes and writing checks too, I will. But I did all that practical stuff while we were living in Sweden so I think it’s only fair he does it here.

Although now I kind of wish I would have paid more attention.

Sunday Night

Good anniversary weekend coming to an end. We handed in Nate’s application to the owner of the house this morning and she kind of let on that we had a good chance… so we kind of got our hopes up.
A lot.
Hopefully we get it.

Then Dylan left for Reno and I cleaned up the house a little bit. When he surprised me by coming home Tuesday night, he was so freakin pleased to find the place kind of messy.
Like “oh, you always give me shit about not cleaning but look at this place when I’m not even here!” which is true in a way… but what he doesn’t realize is that there’s a HUGE difference.
Namely, my own mess doesn’t bother me. His mess drives me bananas. Huge difference. So I waited till he was gone to clean, so he wouldn’t just ruin it right away.

House hunting continues

Just handed in an application for a house. It's a sweet one. And huge. We'd be upstairs and Nate and Colby downstairs. And there'd still be so much space. So much space I almost feel like I should by stuff I don't need just to fill up some of all the storage rooms.
If we don't get it we'll be disappointed, but we're still looking around for other options as well. I'm hopeing we can be out of here at the end of the month... but that might be a little too hopefull.

Anyways, Lava Hotsprings treated us to a fun anniversary. We floated the river, soaked in hotpools, went to dinner at a Thai place that served and charged us so quickly I've spent longer eating at McDonalds.... and then drinks and live music. Real fun night.
Tonight we're staying in watching a foreign film about some violin playing guy in the chec republic....it's actually allright, Dylan has chosen way worse movies in the past.

Hubby is Home

Dylan came home last night. As a surprise for our anniversary (that’s not until Monday, but still…) so he’ll be home until Sunday and then just go back to work the last 4 days.
So that was a real great surprise, I’m so glad to have him home.
I just wish he would breathe a little quitter and lower his body temperature a tad… also maybe not steal my pillow.
I guess I’ve gotten kind of used to sleeping alone…

Monday night TV..what will I watch next week?

I’m glad Ashely picked JP. But seriously, is this good television? Ben was heartbroken. On TV. I’m sure he’s long over it by now and that this whole experience will get him laid a lot now that the show is over, and I KNOW they all went into this knowing what would, or could, happen… and blah, blah.

But I refuse to believe that there wouldn’t be a show if people like me didn’t watch it. Cause first of all, I’m clearly not like the others watching it… and second of all, they don’t make TV shows for the viewers, right? They make them for the money, I’ve heard that...

I wonder if Ashley and JP are still a couple? Will still be a couple?
I wonder if I should do something better with my time than watching the Bachelorette?

Nah…

Making a move

The search for a new living space has officially begun. I’ve seen quite a few places around campus that I’d love to live in. Only problem is they’re not for rent. I’ve also seen quite a few places that are for rent, but most of them look like trash. Made of trash, for trash and with a bunch of trash outside on the trashy lawn. I’m not looking to rent a castle. I just prefer glass instead of plastic bags in the windows, doors that hang on both hinges, paint you can still see what colour it once was… little things like that.

We want more space, and we want to move to the other side of the railroad tracks. Closer to campus and away from Old Town.

Old Town has been nice in some ways, it has its charm. But it is also home to a lot of not so charming people. I don’t know if it’s any different on the other side, if the grass is actually greener. But we’re ready to find out.

Back- in Orange and Black

No, I actually just realized that I don’t even own an ISU shirt, or any other gear save for pens…
We did New Student Orientation today, me and Sammy. She was dressed up in appropriate patriotic clothing and also jacked up on a quad mocha. I actually did also pay a visit to Mocha Madness this morning, but somehow got so involved in a conversation about uncomfortable flip flops with Rob behind the counter- that I walked out with a Kona Mocha Frappuccino... I don’t think they even have caffeine in them. I was going for my usual double shot soy-caramel-mocha.. but don’t know what happened.

Last night I went to Revive at Five with Bobby(who knows everyone in this town) and Jake(who is taller than everyone in this town) and it was pretty cool. But sleep deprived and over heated, I felt sort of crummy and made it a short night.
Slept better this last night but still need to catch up on some zzz. And make sure I get me some real caffeine in the mornings.

Bye Bye Birdie

Getting ready to say goodbye again. Oh, it sucks. Saying goodbye and unpack bags after trips; hate it. Just my parents are taking me to the airport though, at least I don’t have to do them all at the same time. The little brother is talking about coming over for Christmas. That’d be fun, but money and time rarely seem to work in his favour, so I’m not holding my breath on that one, just hoping.

4 weeks, inexpensive shopping, expensive eating and drinking, 4 kids, plenty of friends and family, 1 terrorist attack to shake the living hell out of all of us, and a feeling having forgot something important….. later. I’m heading back. It’s been good. It’ll be good to be back.

And as for the birdie; we just found one this morning that had drowned in the flower pot.

Home and Away

Finally some sunshine again. Went swimming with my brother, Sandra and their friend. Last night we went out.
My parents are coming back into town tomorrow.
Monday I leave.
It’s been so nice to be home.
It’s still nice.
But I’m also looking forward to going back. Doesn’t seem like we’ll have time to go to north Idaho before school starts though. That really sucks because I miss both the scenery and the people there a lot. But if we make an October trip it just doesn’t make sense to try to rush up there when there’s no real time. I also don’t feel like I can just leave work again having been gone for an entire month. Bummer.

Lesson learned

Things I’ve learned so far from this vay-cay at home

1. I’m a sauna wuss. My sister is the champ and I’m a sweaty spot on the wall.
2. I’m a coffee wuss. Swedish coffee kicks my ass. I keep drinking it but I can feel my stomach crying and complaining.
3. Life without a cell phone is part awesome and part annoying.
4. I miss my cat more than I’m comfortable admitting.
5. I wish I could live closer to my nieces and nephews. Damn those kids grow fast.

A moment

Just got back from the sauna. Me, my sister and our mom.

Rain on the lake and rain on the sauna's tin roof. Hot, hot air. I'm out of practise taking saunas; got over heated and had to jump in the lake over and over.
Lemon water in plastic cups and more water on the hot stones. More water. More lemon water.

Then soap on rough scrubby spounges and red flaky skin. All of us swimming upstream. Floating back. Driving home wrapped in bath robes from the 80's.

I could have been 10. It could have been yesterday. I wanted it to last forever.

when the living's easy

Summer vacation like it is meant to be. Swimming every day. Late and lazy dinners on lawn, BBQ and fresh strawberries for desert. Stick the kiddos in bed and watch a downloaded movie. Last night was "Bridesmaids" Actually pretty funny.

Tomorrow we're heading south for the summer house. I haven't been there forever. Can't wait to hit the sauna.

Family life

Up north visiting my sister and her family. Last night was a neighborhood getogether, BBQ on the lawn, lots of kids running around. Then the kids were put the bed and the parents let loose. A 4am mojito is rarely a brilliant idea. But it was a fun night still. Sunshine today and I'm not sure what we're doing with this Saturday. Probably not a whole lot. I got a whopping 5 hours of sleep. My sister is running on 3.

I took Kasper for a walk. Played cards with Pontus. Sandra is napping and Jennie is at a friend's house. The boys are getting ready for a costume birthday party. Pontus is going as Batman. Kasper can't seem to decide whether to go as a ginger bread man or santa.

this is home

I was a little worried showing my mom my tattoo. Funny since I kind of made it for her. The paradox, right…get a tattoo as a tribute to a person who hates them. Well, my inked brother has surely softened her. Or worn her down. She asked to see mine. I showed it to her. And she said it was nice. It even sounded like she meant it. And I was surprised how relieved and happy that made me.

Being home. It’s something else. We go swimming every morning. Me and mom. All this catching up. There’s so much to talk about. Not just me and her of course.
Last night we went out to a pretty cool dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. Black Rock Grill is what they call it. You pick your meat, I got the tuna, and then each person gets a little stone plate that’s 400 something degrees Celsius. And then you cut pieces of your slab of meat and cook it on the hot stone. And there’s potatoes and onions and bell peppers and mushrooms, breads and all different kinds of dipping sauces. A different and fun way to eat. I really liked it.

Then we went back to my brother’s apartment for coffee and dessert. Sitting around a coffee table with my family, it’s been so long. Love it.

Happy 4th - to those on that side of the puddle

Shitty timing on my part, missing midsummer in Sweden and 4th of July in the states. But with a month free from work, I can’t really complain about missed holidays. Although technically I’m not off for a whole month. I have to work on my CPR training.
Online.
And then go in to the Health Science Department when I get back and prove I know CPR… Good thing the dummy I’ll be saving is dead already.

at least breathing is free

It´s not like I didn´t know shit was expensive here. It shouldn´t have surprised me. But it did. And it does every time I step outside. I´m thirsty, should get a water bottle. 3 dollars... I´m not that thirsty.

Eating out, do I look at my stomach or my wallet? I can´t make them both happy.

But then again, it´s gorgeous. Sunshine on the water and the people I´ve missed. And I´m only here for a few days so I can probably drop the extra cash on water and garnish and using the bathroom. Things you can´t opt out of.

Anyways, this whole being phone free is kind of a hassle and kind of a relief. More of a relief actually.

Jobs (I am on vaccation now btw)

The first job I ever had for a telemarketing company sucked the life out of me and dirtied my soul forever. Hey, hey now....my then boss would say, we are not a telemarketing company, not at ALL. We`re an advertisement oriented company. Whatever. My job consisted of clocking in at 8am, clocking out at 5pm and except for an hour lunch and two 15 minutes breaks I was to sit in cubicle and call companies trying to convince them they needed much to subscribe to a buisness magazine I´d never read in my life but assured them was outstanding. Six weeks I did this for and hated every living minute of it. I have worked wiping butts too. This was worse.

Sometimes you see people and can just tell by their dead stare and zombie like moves they hate their jobs more than plague infested cockroaches.

I saw a guy pushing a lady in a wheel chair at the Salt Lake airport. The lady was loud and obnoxious and not at all greatful for the man wheeling her around. He looked like wanted to pop her head off the, kind of way you accidentally did as a child, brushing your doll´s hair...
I felt bad for that guy.

Then I walked by Krispy Kreme and the guy standing behind their donut filled counter was clapping his hands, actually singing out loud. Like he got laid all night AND won the lottery. Just jamming away. Maybe he just really liked his job?

Sometimes we just really need a job- any job- and will sacrifice our spirit for dollars. I get that, I´ve done that. It just sucks that it has to be that way.

Sitting at airports for hours at end, you see a lot of people who, based on their expressions and actions, probably aren´t living their dream.
Just an observation.

Leaving on a jet plane

Almost all packed. Cleaned the place up a little bit, just enough so I won’t have to come back to a complete dump. Went through the fridge and threw out some stuff I shout have thrown out a while ago. A little worried that I didn’t get a confirmation for my shuttle reservation. I called and asked about it. The lady said it was ok, that I just had to tell the driver my name, but that fine, she’d send me a new e-mail with a confirmation right away. I hung up and waited, nothing. That was 4 hours ago. So I guess I’ll just have to take her world for that I don’t need a print out.

Daisy is napping on my lap right now. Last night she slept in my bag on top of my half done packing. I don’t know that her pea size cat brain can comprehend that I’m packing up to leave her. And I’m sure she’ll be fine. I just feel bad, wish I could explain the concept of vacation to her, that I’m coming back.

Tomorrow will be a long day morphing into another long day. But to keep it positive I don’t have any crazy long layovers this time. Not like the time I sat in Denver for 7 hours before flying to Frankfurt where I waited 9 hours. Not like the 13 hours Dylan spent in Madrid. I shouldn’t complain. I just hope there are no delays.

So weird to be going home. It’s been so long. So long Pokey.

Old office, new computer, same internet, just faster

I got a new computer for my office about forever ago. A month, I think it has been. But there was a piece missing. Some kind of adaptor that was essential for the computer to communicate with the monitor and without it there was just nothing the computer installer guy could do. He told me and disappeared.

So I have been working in the library office and my room has been turned into some kind of neglected storage room while waiting for that damn adaptor thingy. But then it came today and ta-dah! I’m back in my own office. Well, tomorrow is my last day for a month, but still… The new computer is so cool. When I click on a link, it jumps to the new page in like.. secconds. Not even.
It feels lightening fast. It’s not really lightening fast, it’s just a normal computer.
But compared to my old bucket of crap, it’s amazing.

Speckled clothes... and tonsills

Tomorrow I’m going to have to shower and put on clean clothes, make my hair and face look decent and pack a lunch before going to work. That kind of sucks. These last three days I’ve rolled out of bed, put on paint speckled clothes, sprayed on sun screen, grabbed my coffee to go and been out the door in 15 minutes.
It’s been hot, sweaty and not always laugh out loud funny to paint that house. But it’s been a great break from the office and a good time. The old man whose house it is has been so sweet to us and I really hope he’s happy with how it’s turned out. I know he’s way too nice to say anything if he’s not…

Despite my major hassle with my medical bill and the lack of trust I have in the medical system here – I’ve made a doctor appointment for Friday. It’s not a cold, not allergies, not going away.
Jamie said she thought it was tonsillitis and when I googled those symptoms I felt like I read my life story this last month. So I’m going to have somebody look down my throat and hopefully get me on some antibiotics.

preparing for tomorrow's discussion

Watching the Bachelorette. I watch this show for two reasons: there’s nothing else on Monday nights and abc is my default channel.
I have a shitty selection of channels.
And, lately I watch the show so that me and Jamie can talk about it. She knows all the guys’ names and is way more into it than I am. I don’t really have a favourite, I’m better at picking out my least favourites. But this week we’re painting a house together (another service project, one I really don’t mind) and it’s nice to have some go to topics of conversations.

So, the guys on the show who are already fighting each over this girl are now (as a fun activity called a group date) physically fighting each other. Mui thai. And says she as one guy is rushed to the hospital and the others are getting bruised and beat up
“I feel so bad.. I thought this would be a fun way for them to bond and do something cool together…”
Really? You thought fighting each other in front of judges and yourself would be something they’d look at as a fun afternoon activity like playing with puppies or building sand castles?
Oh jeez.

Anyways, that’s just my opinion. And working outside in the sun while discussing reality TV is a pretty nice change to sitting in a lonely office, I have to say.

Some Father's... Day

Elko delivered. Rain and motorcycles. And a win, for Bobby. And a happy reunion with his money clip, for Dylan. Good weekend. Now I don’t get to see my favourite person until august. That sucks. But I get to go home and see a bunch of people that are pretty great as well, so I guess it will be okay. I leave in just a week now. Craziness.

I need to do laundry, pack, figure out how to get to and from the airport, stock up on cat food… projects.

Today is not Father’s Day in Sweden. And my father in not in Sweden anyways, he’s in Rome. Lucky.

Going back to Nevada

So my clumsy ass stumbled on a rock yesterday and sprained my ankle. I was up on the trails and going downhill, not paying attention. I took my shoe and sock off and stuck my foot in the creek before limping home, and I keep icing it, feels good. It’s not like I’m severely injured. Not like Cody at Teresa’s BBQ yesterday who broke three bones in his foot and has to be on crutches all summer. I’m just not going to run that relay next weekend.
Sorry team.

This weekend we’re meeting in Elko again. Yay! And it seems like the town will be a lot more happening than last time. Should be fun. And I this time I don’t have to drive by myself either, which will be real nice.

waisting words on over thinking

Communication, it’s a funny thing. I have never been a fan of the phone, if I can avoid calling people.. I always try.
I like e-mails. I like facebook.
I see the convenience of texting but I don’t like to have whole conversations that way.
I find it fascinating the way different people express themselves in these different forms of communication.

Whenever I would try instant message with my mom for example, she’d write every little message like a letter, starting with dear Åsa and ending with love mom. It was cute. I told her she didn’t have to do it for every little three sentence message; that it was more like talking. She did it anyway. It was her thing. It was cute.

I don’t use facebook for work purposes a lot, but it happens. And when I do, my messages are always less formal then had I typed them in my e-mail account. Because it’s facebook. It’s by definition a non-formal way of communication. Ending a facebook message with Best Regards would be like wearing a cocktail dress to class. If you ask me.

Am I over thinking this? Of course. That’s the whole point.

I use smiley faces and type out “haha” but have never used lol, nor am I planning to. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me when people do, it’s just not my flavour. Kind of like Dr Pepper.

I think it’s weird when you type a pretty long and detailed e-mail or message and get just an “Ok” back. Makes me feel like I just gave away an elaborate gift basket with wine, cheeses, the works and got a popsicle in return.

It’s also funny how some people always answer texts, regardless of whether the text was one that actually needed a response. And others don’t answer unless you specifically tell them to, or wait a day or two to reply.

Over thinking it. Yes. Well, I’m bored.

Wall paper sucks

The throat is slowly getting a little better. I can’t remember last time it took me this long to get over a sore throat. Ridiculous. Now my right ear feels like someone pierced the ear drum with a dirty needle. But enough of my health issues. It could be a lot worse; it’s always good to remember that it could be worse.

Tonight we’re going back out to American Falls to keep tearing off wall paper. I guess the people who work at the clinic were kind of pissed we left it all half done. Not even half done, a tenth done, maybe. Basically just a mess, we left it a mess. But if they just try to tear some of it off, they’d see. And then they’d understand that we really did work on it for a long time and even though they think we’re getting it all done tonight, I can tell you right now that we won’t.

It's a birthday

What you don’t want to see as the wall paper you’ve been trying to tear off for hours finally comes off… is the same freaking wall paper underneath. Who does that? Somebody who’s laughing in their grave right now, that’s who. We worked for 5 hours, six of us, and when we gave up for the day it hardly looked like we worked ten minutes. Wall paper is so dumb anyways, just paint already.
Anyways, it’s a service project and I need the hours. Plus I really don’t mind the social contrast to sitting in the office it is to be out with this group, it’s pretty fun, we tend to make it fun.

That was yesterday, today I’m embracing the slowness of Sundays, watching Shark Tank and catching up on my facebooking. My sister is turning 34 today.

Dear Cold (from Hell that just won't go away)

I get it, I give up, you win.
I normally just keep going, doing what I do and cough a little extra and call it good. But this time I have to admit it’s not going to work. A few hits of Nyquil each night isn’t going to cover it. So this morning I went by Albertson and got Theraflu (and I’m planning on taking the maximum amount you can take before there’s risk for liver injuries) and even though I’m still at work and not curled up in bed like I know you want me to, that’s where I’m headed as soon as I get off.
I’m resting, I’m taking medication, I’m staying warm and dry and I plan to get plenty of sleep.
Happy?
So just let me get better, please.

Fear, Fireworks and Firearms

Pocatello saw the biggest thunder storm since I moved here last night. Lots of lightening, loud and rolling thunder. Pretty cool. I’m not afraid of thunderstorms, some may find that surprising as I am afraid of lots of other, not nearly as potentially harmful things, but that’s just how I’m wired. I thought for sure however that the cat was going to freak out, but she was calm to the point where I started to wonder if she was deaf.

Dylan’s family used to have a dog who was terrified of thunder storms, and firework. One year for 4th of July they gave her some kind of calming drugs so she wouldn’t break out of the yard and run off when the festivities began, only they gave her way too high a dosage and she got super high. It was kind of hilarious (in an animal friendly way..ehm), she couldn’t even walk, her legs sliding out from under her like Bambi and her eyes were all glossy and she looked at us like
“Dude…. I don’t know where I am or who you are…”
But at least the fireworks didn’t face her.

The two things that scare me the most are probably heights and guns. Both around which you don’t really want to be on heavy drugs.

Back in the office

Trying to find speakers for National Coming Out day in October and Transgender Day of Remembrance in November. That’s right, I get paid to surf the internet looking up interesting people and reading biographies of activists and educators.
Lucky me.
Sometimes.

I also just committed to running a 40-mile relay with my neighbors June 25th. I’m only running a 5-mile stretch, so even though I am currently quite far from my desired running shape, I should be able to manage that.

Something to train for, although my throat still hurts and running is going to have to wait another while.

And no, they're not on top of my head

I really like to be able to have these in between days. Sundays. It’s been hectic lately with travelling, packing, planning… so today I enjoy doing the laundry, taking a leisurely hike up at the trails, maybe even driving out to Wal Mart to finally get that oil change I’ve been putting off for too long.

Seems like I lost my sun glasses. Again. That’s one of the reasons I never have and never will spend very much money on sun glasses; I can’t keep track of them. My all time favourite pair I managed to keep in my possession for more than two years but then forgot them at a restaurant in Peru. These I just bought in Vegas in March and must have left somewhere in DC. But I guess that will give me something to do at Wal Mart while they change my oil; find another pair of cheap sunnies to loose.

If I list it

Back in Pocatello. It’s been a long day and I’m glad it’s almost over. I’m on pain medication you’re not allowed to drive on and I have a lot of sleep to catch up on. But before that I’m going to sum up these last few DC-days in two lists.

Good
The Newseum – that wasn’t good actually, it was incredible.

Shelby Know – just as good as I thought she would be, a true inspiration.

The Women of Outstanding Achievements Award Ceremony – anyone that can be half of what any of those women are, should consider themselves a huge success. Amazing examples that anything and everything is possible if you believe in yourself and don’t give up.

The different girls and women I met and got to share ideas and stories with – some I don’t agree with, some are more up my alley, but listening to all of them was interesting and valuable.

Being forced to put myself out there a few times and interacting with people even though it made me nervous and kind of uncomfortable – it’s good practice and makes you stronger even though you feel like an awkward intruder sometimes.


Bad (or less good, to keep it positive)
The beds, bedding and water pressure in the doorms – plastic, much too thin and like washing your hands by sticking them out the window in the rain.

The workshops – I can obviously only speak for the ones I attended, and they weren’t all bad. Just not as good as I had expected and considering the standard of the key notes and other aspects of the conference…they didn’t reach it.

The fact that I had to get up at 6 am (again) this morning to catch the shuttle even though my flight didn’t leave till noon and I’ve had really bad stomach pains all day, not fun while flying.

Post # 200

There’s a lot of talk about leadership. Go figure. About being a leader. Finding our voices and sharing them. Some people share a lot, some not so much. I don’t like to speak into microphones. Get me going on a topic I care about in a small setting and you may have difficulties shutting me up. But big auditorium style stuff, not my thing.

Found an international click I click with. My roommate is cool too. I’m not being super social, but I’m meeting some interesting people and I’m feeling pretty good about being here.

The Newseum this morning was spectacular. I’m choosing to use that word hoping it’s not one you hear me throw around a lot. Because this place wasn’t like the (although they were nice too..) museums in Nevada we went to last week. This was a six stories building devoted to news; photos, sound clips, articles, the spoken word, the written word, the heard word… it was really, really cool. We had just a little over two hours and it felt like nothing. Since I was inevitably going to miss most of it I just went to the exhibits I thought I would kick myself the hardest for skipping; 9/11, the President’s Photographer and the Pulitzer Prize winning photographies since the 50’s. Spectacular.

Did I say that?
Spectacular.
The Newseum alone would have been worth my trip here.

Tomorrow’s key note should be good. Then there’s about a million work shops, could be tiring. I need to figure out my shuttle situation for Saturday morning.
Alright, that’s that. Over and out from the capital.

see my halo

People who have never worked in a service minded business can be such assholes. I just got out of the Starbucks’s line at the Salt Lake City Airport and their system was down so add airport pandemonium to your regular Starbucks morning craze and you’ve got what I just witnessed. The lady behind me kept sighing so loud I felt bad for her airways, the man behind her was cussing at the girls working frantically to take manual payments and lots of people stormed off, the way you can only storm off with trolley bags that can only go so fast without tipping over.

Now, this might mean these are truly bad people; the kind the flight to hell will let board first and if you’re lucky, the seats will fill up before they get to all the not so severe sinners in coach. Or, or…it might mean that they just don’t know how to fake politeness, a truly valuable skill I just mastered with flying colours while waiting for my soy latte.

I did feel for bad the girls working, that wasn’t fake. And even though I kept starring at the clock (peer pressure; everyone else was) I was in no danger of missing my flight since I had a three hour lay over, which also made it easier to stay calm. But it was like the rudeness and disrespectful behaviour of those behind me made me want to be as saintfull and holy as possible.
I tried to smile peacefully and say “don’t worry about me, I will wait however long it takes for my coffee and my chance to pay and if there’s anything I can do to assist you in this uncomfortable pickle, do ask!” with my eyes.
But making eye contact with me was clearly not a priority for the baristas so my mute and sympathetic condolences went unheard.

Finally I got to pay my $4.80, my debit card read manually and I signed one of those slips they used back when cell phones were a rare commodity used only by pilots and journalists. I wanted to be as quick as possible, and the huge grey and blue slip confused me, so I forgot to tip. I also forgot to ask for my receipt. AAUW are reimbursing me for all food expenses while on this trip as long as I save my receipts, which is why I got Starbucks in the first place, but now it seems this whole experience is going to be my own treat.

Oh well, that’s ok. All I really feel bad about is that I forgot to tip. Honestly, cause that’s how good of a person I am.

From Nevada to DC

One day in the office this week. Tomorrow I leave for DC and I just finished printing out all my travel and conference paperwork. I was going to have all weekend to figure out my business casual/appropriate for DC’s muggy as hell weather- attire. But then Elko happened and now I’m thinking I don’t really know that I have a lot of clothes in this category.
Or shoes.
Might have to pay a visit to Payless after work.

I also don’t feel like I got over my being sick yet. The thin mountain air in Nevada didn’t help. Coughing, chapped lips, runny nose, dry eyes. My ears are going to hurt on that plane tomorrow.

in Elko

Memorial weekend was going to be uneventful. I was staying home, staying in, doing nothing. But then Dylan texted thursday night and asked if I wanted to meet half way. So friday we both drove to Elko, Nevada and that's where we're at right now. We camped the first night, but yesterday it started snowing and we were afraid Ester weren't going to make it out of the canyon. So we got a room downtown Elko. It's quiet, pretty uneventful, we're staying in and it's still so nice to be out of Pocatello and being with Dylan. So memorial weekend did kind of turn out like I expected it to, only in Elko.

my secret is no secret

I was to ever be famous; it would be for one reason only. So I could be on Dancing with the Stars. Yep, this coming from the person who totally burns people who like Justin Bieber. And no thank you, I would not like to take a moment to self reflect.

Watched the finale last night, and the night before. Every Monday I wish I was in a ballroom gown swirling away with Mark Ballas. I imagine us rehearse these super complicated routines, use each other’s make up and giggle over healthy smoothies in between fittings for our outrageous stage outfits.

Monday nights the tv has been mine. Been ever since we got a tv. Dylan would occasionally drop a negative comment about the show (I think whenever he felt his testosterone levels drop from too much sequins and feathers) but mostly he’d be pretty good about letting me watch my dancers.

One night, about a month or so ago, I overheard him asking our neighbor
“Hey man, did you watch Dancing with the Stars last night when NKOTB was on?”
While drinking beer. Priceless.

Oh, there’s a little diva in all of us. Mine sparkles like a purple disco ball and dances with Mark Ballas to the tunes of cheesy 80’s music surrounded by fake smoke and an audience stunned by their grace.
Perfect 10’s – every time.

pills and pains

Insurance companies are like aids, you can fight them but you can’t win. How much hassle is $150 worth? Some more, definitely. But how much, I don’t know.

I will never go to the hospital again. At least not while conscious. It’s just hard to relearn and think of doctors as money hungry salesmen rather than health care providers actually trying to help you.

-You should take this test and this medicine and these x-rays and come back for a million check ups.
-Why, cause I need to?
-No, but because I want the money!

Right… right. I forgot. I forget. Why are so many Americans on all these random medications? Cause they need to be? Or cause there's a lot of money into making them think they need them....

Iffy

First I thought I was getting sick. Then I thought I was just imagining it since Jessica and Dylan were both talking about their sore throats. Then I spent all night unable to sleep, going from freezing to burning up, coughing, dry eyes and a throat clogged like a bad drain.

Contemplated calling in sick. Felt my forehead and couldn’t decide if it felt like fever. Asked the cat what she thought and she said I was being a wuss.

Ughh… I don’t feel like working at all but I want the hours, I need the hours. And it’s just sitting in the office, copying surveys and preparing notes. I can do that, sick or not.

I'm like Baby, Baby, Babyyyy...ooooohh

If somebody cracks jokes left and right for a good three hours and then say they absolutely love Justin Bieber – how the hell are you supposed to know that’s not a joke too?

Well, I didn’t.

It’s always weird when people you think are really cool and reasonable drop a bomb like that.
It’s one thing to like the Biebs (and not a good thing either) and yet another to publically announce it without a trace of embarrassment.

Fascinating.

haha, who's your friend?

Back from the dorms. Everyone else had a view. But I had everything else. Pretty excited about that arrangement.
When the man who says
"you need help with that? Cause I can get my staff to do it.."
is your friend, well, you're hooked up. And I'm talking hooked up as in toothpaste, pillow, tv, bedding, private bathroom...

And overall I’d have to say the summit turned out good. A few mishaps, a few schedule changes that were less successful, but overall, definitely went well. The girls seemed happy.

This morning we started out with yoga in the grass, soaked in sunshine and bird song.
I’m excited to see how my tie dye shirt turns out, never done that before.
Learned a few things about opposable thumbs and acne.
But mostly, I got over 30 hours of work in.
Sweet.

TMI - so that's what that is

What a day what a night. Last night. It was. Yeah.
My new shape up flip flops are giving me bloody blisters.
I’m getting instructions that make no sense. I don’t even care because it’s not my event.
Whatever.
U2 are playing in Salt Lake City next week. I didn’t think I cared at all. But maybe I do.
I have to think about that.
I'd rather be thinking about that.

R......O.....C.......K.... hm....

I’m calling people to inform them they won a prize in our raffle. Some are really appreciative. Well, most are. But one lady was so ungrateful and demanding I just wanted to go “Roasted! You didn’t win, you lost actually….”

Real tempting, but I did let her walk away with the grand prize. But she acted like it was a freaking game show and not a local fair raffle. Because no business in Pocatello will donate a cruise in the Bahamas, just so you know.
How stupid.

Other than that it’s just me and B rocking out in the office. Rocking out in slow mo…

what to write

Extreme Makeover Home Edition is on TV. Yesterday I talked to a girl who lives next door the house they built here in town back in August. She was saying the foundation is cracking, the paint is chipped already and they are having a bunch of problems with the house. Maybe building a house that normally would take several weeks or even months to put together in just one week is not the greatest plan.

I’m supposed to send in notes for the discussion I’m leading during the DC conference I’m going to in June. They’re due tomorrow and I haven’t written them. Because I have no idea what kind of notes they are expecting.. length, format, stuff like that. I got an e-mail saying I was supposed to send them in and in the e-mail it also said
“and if you have any questions regarding these notes or need any help writing them, just let me know”
So I let her know. And got nothing back. So I don’t know if I should just totally freestyle it or not send it in or what.

Oh the dilemmas.

so much better

Had a much better day today. Slept for a solid 10 hours. Woke up next to a cat purring like crazy and with the sun shining in through my window. Headed out to the Pokey parks with the other americorps members and tried to get kids active. Or whatever…

Got laundry done, the dishes, went for a run… bla bla right? AND, I went to a sex toy party. Never went to one of those before. Love the description, “it’s just like a Tupper Wear party, except not at all”

It was cool. No, that’s a bad word. Inspirational is much better. Glad I went. Would go to one again. Even if I didn’t get paid for it…
And that’s not the sole reason my day was better. Talked to D. He’s good. Pretty much the best. And so I can be good too.

2 pains -1 Advil

Beautiful weather. Far from beautiful day.
I have had a few anxiety attacks in my life. Well, no.. I take the ‘attacks’ part back. Compared to severe anxiety attacks mine were probably more like a bad cold.
A mosquito bite next to a rattle snake bite.
But they’re still painful and extremely uncomfortable. But what I’ve learned is that there’s no way around them, you have to go straight through.

Good thing I have a toothache to take focus off the heartache.

I'm going to answer that with a toe touch

Just gave a presentation at new employee orientation. Thought I did alright. Knew there weren’t going to be any questions because my boss had assured me there weren’t going to be any questions… there never are, she said.

But I still asked, are there any questions? Oh, and there were.

-Which bathroom do transgender people go to?

-How do you handle transgender people? (eh..with latex gloves?)

-What exactly do you do in your office?

(that was only the main focus of my entire presentation so maybe I didn’t do alright after all…)

-Why is that important?

(because we ultimately want everybody to sit in a circle and sing Kumbaya… duh!)

I hate presentations. Next time I’m going to do an interpretive dance instead.

like a slizzard

Snow on May 9th. It’s not a blizzard, it’s not that bad. But it’s definitely not that great either.

Tomorrow night me and D are going on a date. I’ve been trying to get him to wine and dine me since sometime before there were dinosaurs but you know how it is… when you can go any night, you don’t go any night.
So you have to wait until there are no more available nights left, and then you can go.
Wednesday night we head out to Grandma Melba’s to say goodbye and consume a week’s worth of food in two days and then that’s that.

My brain is so spacey today. I start something, I look out the window, I forget all about it. I start something else, I find the old project, I get distracted.
Basically, I get shit done.

Back from the trailer

Quite a few almost fights. A guy who almost fell in the fire. A grumpy old woman who almost was a man. Rain, mud and a museum closed for mother’s day. We almost forgot more items than we remembered.

Minus a few minor mishaps, it’s been a real good weekend. Would definitely go back to Maple Grove Hotsprings. I’d bring paper plates and larger supply of tortilla chips. Next time.

I’m not great with tents. I love Ester. And the fact that we could rent at trailer made this a real nice and not at all hard core camping experience.

In cafe veritas...

One last take home-final to type up and then that’s the end of my first semester of my third run at college. Last time? Maybe. ..

The weather looks good for Cinco de Mayo. And hopefully it will stay good for camping too. So ready to be done and out of this office!

But not yet, Plato’s paradox, you said? I can probably come up with some 1000 words of BS on that. Let me just get some coffee…

I might pull a hamstring bending over, but I'll reach that bar

I just read the guidelines for the paper I just finished typing. Good to know what I should have done. But since my professor pretty much already promised me she was going to be unhappy with whatever I turn it, I feel like I will meet her expectations.

Go Bristol!

So instead of celebrating the death of a person, which is just too morbid for me, let’s focus on some more positive news, shall we; Bristol Palin is considering supporting gay marriage!
Now that’s worth doing a little twirl for!

I am in no way intending to say or reflect anything positive about Usama Bin Ladin and hopefully he will spend eternity realizing what he did and the pain he caused. But celebrating his death... well, let’s see, he celebrated the deaths of thousands, and we condemned him for it. So... if we celebrate his death, how are we any better? Apparently this is only a paradox for my liberal, overly pacifist mind and a total no-brainer for most people around me, but nonetheless.
I dance on nobody’s grave.

Instead, today I applaud Bristol and may she continue to feel attracted to the burning flame of logic. Amen.

iPhonies

The more I see people and their iPhones, the more I don’t want one. I don’t want to be so preoccupied with my phone that I can’t have a normal conversation with people actually present. I don’t want to depend on to my iPhone for communication to the point where if I’m not talking through it, I’m talking about it. I don’t want a gadget to define me like all the people who are just screaming I want an iPhone! for no other apparent reason than just to have one.

I do want a new phone pretty soon since mine is a piece of crap and I’m not above materialism in any way. But at least I realize that it’s a want, not a need. And I don’t want an iPhone.

Out and about

Sometimes when people go out and I have to stay home for one reason or another, I feel like I’m really missing out. But most of the time I don’t feel that way. Pocatello is pretty repetitive.
Last night it seems like even some of the people that were out missed out, though… so at least I wasn’t the only one.

still under water, frozen water

These are all the tings not making me happy right now:

Snow
Research papers
Idiots
Snow
Finals
Take Home Finals
Idiots

Did I mention research papers? Ok, yeah. I think that’s it.
Talk to you later.

counting sheep, couning eggs

They had an egg hunt outside my window this morning. 28 eggs hidden. Don’t know how many kids were looking. Don’t know how many they found. But I slept through it. Slept almost 12 hours last night.
Felt real good.

Then I got up, wrote another page on my paper and made a big batch of egg salad. Between that and the huge plate of Easter candy we got from Beth I feel like we got a little bit of Easter feel after all.

Jesus is back from the cave and is enjoying an Easter nap right now.

they say it's Easter

I read an article the other day about these people in the Philippines who voluntarily got crucified to share the pain of Jesus.
Jesus, that has to hurt.
D is spending Easter weekend in a cave, also just like Jesus, I didn’t realize he was that religious...
But he will resurrect in just one day. And not take any nails through the palms of his hands either.
Not very hardcore.

As for me, I have three pages written on my research paper. Single spaced, that is. I always write my papers single spaced and when I’ve reached half the requirement for how long it has to be I just double space it and Bam! - I’m done.
Doesn’t matter if you fool anyone else as long as you can fool yourself.

A breath of Tequila..?

Holding your breath under water is hard. And if you don’t know when you’re going to be able to breath again, it’s pointless. Then you might as well just drown.
I feel like I’m under water right now with school and work. it’s just a lot, and when you haven’t been a student for a while, it’s hard (or harder) to not get all worked up about finals and research papers and all that.

Anyways, I was looking through the calendar yesterday for good times to come up to the surface and I’m thinking Cinco de Mayo looks pretty good for some deep breaths.

we just have to get through the summer first..

Back in Pokey, always good to know we didn’t miss out on much. At least not according to Chris’s rapport. Fights, almost fights, bar trips and… well, the usual stuff. Mark and Lindy’s new puppy is a cutie though, he just better not be a howler.

Can’t think of a better way to finish off the ski season than with a great day in Sun Valley, yesterday was real good. Now the season is officially over and that’s a little sad. But I have a lead on a new pair of skis for next season and then I’ll also have my board here, so I can do both. Should be great, I’m ready for next winter!

what up party peeps...

The large life in Sun Valley presented me with tons of coffee this morning. No breakfast, though. Because there’s hunger and then there’s $15.99 for breakfast and then hunger doesn’t seem like a very big deal. I had lunch in the room and now we just got out of the hot tub and are heading into town to hit the grocery store deli.

There’s the big life…. And then there’s the small people living it wisely.

We’ll ski and we’ll wine and we’ll dine. But all in good time. For now it’s sandwiches, home work and wide screen TV. Last night we watched a documentary on sharks.

lazy day

Trying to get some school work done. It’s not going so great. Lazy day with TV, pizza and laundry. Thinking about the summer, thinking about the fall. Thinking about when we will move out of here. Here as in the duplex and here as in Pocatello.

Bad news, sad news

This totally stinks. I should be happy for her but I’m not.
Sorry, my feelings are centered from me.
I’m losing a friend = I’m sad.
That’s just how it is. This put a big grey rain cloud over my sun.

Sucks!

Wow, I’m selfish and immature.

not 19 anymore

I think I just officially reached the age where being hung over is a project in itself. I remember being like 19 and hearing ooooold (like 25+) people talk about how they stayed in with a massive head ache, nausea and all that good stuff they day after. Every time. Like they made a plan to be hung over and made room in the calendar for it cause they knew it was going to happen.
I thought it was so lame.
And I thought they were so old.
Well.
Here I am.

tired cat lady

It doesn’t matter how much I know I should be doing some school work right now. My brain has officially shut off for the night so it’s not going to happen. I’ll look (look, not read) at the pages I should have read for Tuesday and the pages I’m supposed to read for tomorrow and pretend like that’s something so I didn’t do nothing.

But that’s it.

I was never one to study at night. Even during my first years of college when I didn’t have a job or a relationship distracting me from studying, I never got much done after 8pm. When others made a pot of coffee and opened the books, I shut them and had a cup of tea. I always hated working night shifts and I get really stressed out and bothered if I have to do anything work or school related late at night.

I think I’m ready for retirement.

On a different (but equally non-important) note; Daisy threw up in the laundry room today so I got to wipe cat barf off the floor while doing laundry. She was less than a foot from the lawn, but I see her point, had she done it there I would have not even cared. At least it wasn’t the carpet.

Grey and Blue

I'm feeling the end of the semester pressure. I'm feeling the sadness of spending an entire summer without Dylan. I'm feeling the urgent need to move to a new place.

Tuesday afternoons are always so long. Every week.

Riding my bike down memory lane

I am a wonder of non-productivity. I got my bike out of the laundry room. Read the rest of the papers for work. Barely. And it’s 6 pm. What is this, Vegas? I need to get something done this weekend.

Getting the bike out after winter used to be the surest sign of spring. When we were kids we were always allowed to get our bikes out after Easter break. Every year. It didn’t matter if Easter fell early or late or how much snow was left on the ground. Some years the streets had been clear for weeks and others we’d slide around in snow and slush. I remember leaving a birthday party one year and so much snow had fallen during the party that I had to walk my bike home through piles and piles of snow.

The After Easter Rule made absolutely no sense but we never questioned it.

The power of parents.

Sleepy Fool

I am so feeling the Friday. It’s sunny outside and I’m just not motivated. At all. Mentally I already poured myself a glass of wine is finally getting to catch up with Jessica on spring break, relationships, friends, work and everything in between.

Sweet, sweet weekend…

I played a little April fool’s joke on Dylan this morning. Nothing big, since he was asleep I didn’t think he’d even react if I yelled “fire!” so I told him I had promised our neighbor lady we’d adopt Fat Black for $50.

That woke him up, and got him grumpy.