at least breathing is free

It´s not like I didn´t know shit was expensive here. It shouldn´t have surprised me. But it did. And it does every time I step outside. I´m thirsty, should get a water bottle. 3 dollars... I´m not that thirsty.

Eating out, do I look at my stomach or my wallet? I can´t make them both happy.

But then again, it´s gorgeous. Sunshine on the water and the people I´ve missed. And I´m only here for a few days so I can probably drop the extra cash on water and garnish and using the bathroom. Things you can´t opt out of.

Anyways, this whole being phone free is kind of a hassle and kind of a relief. More of a relief actually.

Jobs (I am on vaccation now btw)

The first job I ever had for a telemarketing company sucked the life out of me and dirtied my soul forever. Hey, hey now....my then boss would say, we are not a telemarketing company, not at ALL. We`re an advertisement oriented company. Whatever. My job consisted of clocking in at 8am, clocking out at 5pm and except for an hour lunch and two 15 minutes breaks I was to sit in cubicle and call companies trying to convince them they needed much to subscribe to a buisness magazine I´d never read in my life but assured them was outstanding. Six weeks I did this for and hated every living minute of it. I have worked wiping butts too. This was worse.

Sometimes you see people and can just tell by their dead stare and zombie like moves they hate their jobs more than plague infested cockroaches.

I saw a guy pushing a lady in a wheel chair at the Salt Lake airport. The lady was loud and obnoxious and not at all greatful for the man wheeling her around. He looked like wanted to pop her head off the, kind of way you accidentally did as a child, brushing your doll´s hair...
I felt bad for that guy.

Then I walked by Krispy Kreme and the guy standing behind their donut filled counter was clapping his hands, actually singing out loud. Like he got laid all night AND won the lottery. Just jamming away. Maybe he just really liked his job?

Sometimes we just really need a job- any job- and will sacrifice our spirit for dollars. I get that, I´ve done that. It just sucks that it has to be that way.

Sitting at airports for hours at end, you see a lot of people who, based on their expressions and actions, probably aren´t living their dream.
Just an observation.

Leaving on a jet plane

Almost all packed. Cleaned the place up a little bit, just enough so I won’t have to come back to a complete dump. Went through the fridge and threw out some stuff I shout have thrown out a while ago. A little worried that I didn’t get a confirmation for my shuttle reservation. I called and asked about it. The lady said it was ok, that I just had to tell the driver my name, but that fine, she’d send me a new e-mail with a confirmation right away. I hung up and waited, nothing. That was 4 hours ago. So I guess I’ll just have to take her world for that I don’t need a print out.

Daisy is napping on my lap right now. Last night she slept in my bag on top of my half done packing. I don’t know that her pea size cat brain can comprehend that I’m packing up to leave her. And I’m sure she’ll be fine. I just feel bad, wish I could explain the concept of vacation to her, that I’m coming back.

Tomorrow will be a long day morphing into another long day. But to keep it positive I don’t have any crazy long layovers this time. Not like the time I sat in Denver for 7 hours before flying to Frankfurt where I waited 9 hours. Not like the 13 hours Dylan spent in Madrid. I shouldn’t complain. I just hope there are no delays.

So weird to be going home. It’s been so long. So long Pokey.

Old office, new computer, same internet, just faster

I got a new computer for my office about forever ago. A month, I think it has been. But there was a piece missing. Some kind of adaptor that was essential for the computer to communicate with the monitor and without it there was just nothing the computer installer guy could do. He told me and disappeared.

So I have been working in the library office and my room has been turned into some kind of neglected storage room while waiting for that damn adaptor thingy. But then it came today and ta-dah! I’m back in my own office. Well, tomorrow is my last day for a month, but still… The new computer is so cool. When I click on a link, it jumps to the new page in like.. secconds. Not even.
It feels lightening fast. It’s not really lightening fast, it’s just a normal computer.
But compared to my old bucket of crap, it’s amazing.

Speckled clothes... and tonsills

Tomorrow I’m going to have to shower and put on clean clothes, make my hair and face look decent and pack a lunch before going to work. That kind of sucks. These last three days I’ve rolled out of bed, put on paint speckled clothes, sprayed on sun screen, grabbed my coffee to go and been out the door in 15 minutes.
It’s been hot, sweaty and not always laugh out loud funny to paint that house. But it’s been a great break from the office and a good time. The old man whose house it is has been so sweet to us and I really hope he’s happy with how it’s turned out. I know he’s way too nice to say anything if he’s not…

Despite my major hassle with my medical bill and the lack of trust I have in the medical system here – I’ve made a doctor appointment for Friday. It’s not a cold, not allergies, not going away.
Jamie said she thought it was tonsillitis and when I googled those symptoms I felt like I read my life story this last month. So I’m going to have somebody look down my throat and hopefully get me on some antibiotics.

preparing for tomorrow's discussion

Watching the Bachelorette. I watch this show for two reasons: there’s nothing else on Monday nights and abc is my default channel.
I have a shitty selection of channels.
And, lately I watch the show so that me and Jamie can talk about it. She knows all the guys’ names and is way more into it than I am. I don’t really have a favourite, I’m better at picking out my least favourites. But this week we’re painting a house together (another service project, one I really don’t mind) and it’s nice to have some go to topics of conversations.

So, the guys on the show who are already fighting each over this girl are now (as a fun activity called a group date) physically fighting each other. Mui thai. And says she as one guy is rushed to the hospital and the others are getting bruised and beat up
“I feel so bad.. I thought this would be a fun way for them to bond and do something cool together…”
Really? You thought fighting each other in front of judges and yourself would be something they’d look at as a fun afternoon activity like playing with puppies or building sand castles?
Oh jeez.

Anyways, that’s just my opinion. And working outside in the sun while discussing reality TV is a pretty nice change to sitting in a lonely office, I have to say.

Some Father's... Day

Elko delivered. Rain and motorcycles. And a win, for Bobby. And a happy reunion with his money clip, for Dylan. Good weekend. Now I don’t get to see my favourite person until august. That sucks. But I get to go home and see a bunch of people that are pretty great as well, so I guess it will be okay. I leave in just a week now. Craziness.

I need to do laundry, pack, figure out how to get to and from the airport, stock up on cat food… projects.

Today is not Father’s Day in Sweden. And my father in not in Sweden anyways, he’s in Rome. Lucky.

Going back to Nevada

So my clumsy ass stumbled on a rock yesterday and sprained my ankle. I was up on the trails and going downhill, not paying attention. I took my shoe and sock off and stuck my foot in the creek before limping home, and I keep icing it, feels good. It’s not like I’m severely injured. Not like Cody at Teresa’s BBQ yesterday who broke three bones in his foot and has to be on crutches all summer. I’m just not going to run that relay next weekend.
Sorry team.

This weekend we’re meeting in Elko again. Yay! And it seems like the town will be a lot more happening than last time. Should be fun. And I this time I don’t have to drive by myself either, which will be real nice.

waisting words on over thinking

Communication, it’s a funny thing. I have never been a fan of the phone, if I can avoid calling people.. I always try.
I like e-mails. I like facebook.
I see the convenience of texting but I don’t like to have whole conversations that way.
I find it fascinating the way different people express themselves in these different forms of communication.

Whenever I would try instant message with my mom for example, she’d write every little message like a letter, starting with dear Åsa and ending with love mom. It was cute. I told her she didn’t have to do it for every little three sentence message; that it was more like talking. She did it anyway. It was her thing. It was cute.

I don’t use facebook for work purposes a lot, but it happens. And when I do, my messages are always less formal then had I typed them in my e-mail account. Because it’s facebook. It’s by definition a non-formal way of communication. Ending a facebook message with Best Regards would be like wearing a cocktail dress to class. If you ask me.

Am I over thinking this? Of course. That’s the whole point.

I use smiley faces and type out “haha” but have never used lol, nor am I planning to. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me when people do, it’s just not my flavour. Kind of like Dr Pepper.

I think it’s weird when you type a pretty long and detailed e-mail or message and get just an “Ok” back. Makes me feel like I just gave away an elaborate gift basket with wine, cheeses, the works and got a popsicle in return.

It’s also funny how some people always answer texts, regardless of whether the text was one that actually needed a response. And others don’t answer unless you specifically tell them to, or wait a day or two to reply.

Over thinking it. Yes. Well, I’m bored.

Wall paper sucks

The throat is slowly getting a little better. I can’t remember last time it took me this long to get over a sore throat. Ridiculous. Now my right ear feels like someone pierced the ear drum with a dirty needle. But enough of my health issues. It could be a lot worse; it’s always good to remember that it could be worse.

Tonight we’re going back out to American Falls to keep tearing off wall paper. I guess the people who work at the clinic were kind of pissed we left it all half done. Not even half done, a tenth done, maybe. Basically just a mess, we left it a mess. But if they just try to tear some of it off, they’d see. And then they’d understand that we really did work on it for a long time and even though they think we’re getting it all done tonight, I can tell you right now that we won’t.

It's a birthday

What you don’t want to see as the wall paper you’ve been trying to tear off for hours finally comes off… is the same freaking wall paper underneath. Who does that? Somebody who’s laughing in their grave right now, that’s who. We worked for 5 hours, six of us, and when we gave up for the day it hardly looked like we worked ten minutes. Wall paper is so dumb anyways, just paint already.
Anyways, it’s a service project and I need the hours. Plus I really don’t mind the social contrast to sitting in the office it is to be out with this group, it’s pretty fun, we tend to make it fun.

That was yesterday, today I’m embracing the slowness of Sundays, watching Shark Tank and catching up on my facebooking. My sister is turning 34 today.

Dear Cold (from Hell that just won't go away)

I get it, I give up, you win.
I normally just keep going, doing what I do and cough a little extra and call it good. But this time I have to admit it’s not going to work. A few hits of Nyquil each night isn’t going to cover it. So this morning I went by Albertson and got Theraflu (and I’m planning on taking the maximum amount you can take before there’s risk for liver injuries) and even though I’m still at work and not curled up in bed like I know you want me to, that’s where I’m headed as soon as I get off.
I’m resting, I’m taking medication, I’m staying warm and dry and I plan to get plenty of sleep.
Happy?
So just let me get better, please.

Fear, Fireworks and Firearms

Pocatello saw the biggest thunder storm since I moved here last night. Lots of lightening, loud and rolling thunder. Pretty cool. I’m not afraid of thunderstorms, some may find that surprising as I am afraid of lots of other, not nearly as potentially harmful things, but that’s just how I’m wired. I thought for sure however that the cat was going to freak out, but she was calm to the point where I started to wonder if she was deaf.

Dylan’s family used to have a dog who was terrified of thunder storms, and firework. One year for 4th of July they gave her some kind of calming drugs so she wouldn’t break out of the yard and run off when the festivities began, only they gave her way too high a dosage and she got super high. It was kind of hilarious (in an animal friendly way..ehm), she couldn’t even walk, her legs sliding out from under her like Bambi and her eyes were all glossy and she looked at us like
“Dude…. I don’t know where I am or who you are…”
But at least the fireworks didn’t face her.

The two things that scare me the most are probably heights and guns. Both around which you don’t really want to be on heavy drugs.

Back in the office

Trying to find speakers for National Coming Out day in October and Transgender Day of Remembrance in November. That’s right, I get paid to surf the internet looking up interesting people and reading biographies of activists and educators.
Lucky me.
Sometimes.

I also just committed to running a 40-mile relay with my neighbors June 25th. I’m only running a 5-mile stretch, so even though I am currently quite far from my desired running shape, I should be able to manage that.

Something to train for, although my throat still hurts and running is going to have to wait another while.

And no, they're not on top of my head

I really like to be able to have these in between days. Sundays. It’s been hectic lately with travelling, packing, planning… so today I enjoy doing the laundry, taking a leisurely hike up at the trails, maybe even driving out to Wal Mart to finally get that oil change I’ve been putting off for too long.

Seems like I lost my sun glasses. Again. That’s one of the reasons I never have and never will spend very much money on sun glasses; I can’t keep track of them. My all time favourite pair I managed to keep in my possession for more than two years but then forgot them at a restaurant in Peru. These I just bought in Vegas in March and must have left somewhere in DC. But I guess that will give me something to do at Wal Mart while they change my oil; find another pair of cheap sunnies to loose.

If I list it

Back in Pocatello. It’s been a long day and I’m glad it’s almost over. I’m on pain medication you’re not allowed to drive on and I have a lot of sleep to catch up on. But before that I’m going to sum up these last few DC-days in two lists.

Good
The Newseum – that wasn’t good actually, it was incredible.

Shelby Know – just as good as I thought she would be, a true inspiration.

The Women of Outstanding Achievements Award Ceremony – anyone that can be half of what any of those women are, should consider themselves a huge success. Amazing examples that anything and everything is possible if you believe in yourself and don’t give up.

The different girls and women I met and got to share ideas and stories with – some I don’t agree with, some are more up my alley, but listening to all of them was interesting and valuable.

Being forced to put myself out there a few times and interacting with people even though it made me nervous and kind of uncomfortable – it’s good practice and makes you stronger even though you feel like an awkward intruder sometimes.


Bad (or less good, to keep it positive)
The beds, bedding and water pressure in the doorms – plastic, much too thin and like washing your hands by sticking them out the window in the rain.

The workshops – I can obviously only speak for the ones I attended, and they weren’t all bad. Just not as good as I had expected and considering the standard of the key notes and other aspects of the conference…they didn’t reach it.

The fact that I had to get up at 6 am (again) this morning to catch the shuttle even though my flight didn’t leave till noon and I’ve had really bad stomach pains all day, not fun while flying.

Post # 200

There’s a lot of talk about leadership. Go figure. About being a leader. Finding our voices and sharing them. Some people share a lot, some not so much. I don’t like to speak into microphones. Get me going on a topic I care about in a small setting and you may have difficulties shutting me up. But big auditorium style stuff, not my thing.

Found an international click I click with. My roommate is cool too. I’m not being super social, but I’m meeting some interesting people and I’m feeling pretty good about being here.

The Newseum this morning was spectacular. I’m choosing to use that word hoping it’s not one you hear me throw around a lot. Because this place wasn’t like the (although they were nice too..) museums in Nevada we went to last week. This was a six stories building devoted to news; photos, sound clips, articles, the spoken word, the written word, the heard word… it was really, really cool. We had just a little over two hours and it felt like nothing. Since I was inevitably going to miss most of it I just went to the exhibits I thought I would kick myself the hardest for skipping; 9/11, the President’s Photographer and the Pulitzer Prize winning photographies since the 50’s. Spectacular.

Did I say that?
Spectacular.
The Newseum alone would have been worth my trip here.

Tomorrow’s key note should be good. Then there’s about a million work shops, could be tiring. I need to figure out my shuttle situation for Saturday morning.
Alright, that’s that. Over and out from the capital.

see my halo

People who have never worked in a service minded business can be such assholes. I just got out of the Starbucks’s line at the Salt Lake City Airport and their system was down so add airport pandemonium to your regular Starbucks morning craze and you’ve got what I just witnessed. The lady behind me kept sighing so loud I felt bad for her airways, the man behind her was cussing at the girls working frantically to take manual payments and lots of people stormed off, the way you can only storm off with trolley bags that can only go so fast without tipping over.

Now, this might mean these are truly bad people; the kind the flight to hell will let board first and if you’re lucky, the seats will fill up before they get to all the not so severe sinners in coach. Or, or…it might mean that they just don’t know how to fake politeness, a truly valuable skill I just mastered with flying colours while waiting for my soy latte.

I did feel for bad the girls working, that wasn’t fake. And even though I kept starring at the clock (peer pressure; everyone else was) I was in no danger of missing my flight since I had a three hour lay over, which also made it easier to stay calm. But it was like the rudeness and disrespectful behaviour of those behind me made me want to be as saintfull and holy as possible.
I tried to smile peacefully and say “don’t worry about me, I will wait however long it takes for my coffee and my chance to pay and if there’s anything I can do to assist you in this uncomfortable pickle, do ask!” with my eyes.
But making eye contact with me was clearly not a priority for the baristas so my mute and sympathetic condolences went unheard.

Finally I got to pay my $4.80, my debit card read manually and I signed one of those slips they used back when cell phones were a rare commodity used only by pilots and journalists. I wanted to be as quick as possible, and the huge grey and blue slip confused me, so I forgot to tip. I also forgot to ask for my receipt. AAUW are reimbursing me for all food expenses while on this trip as long as I save my receipts, which is why I got Starbucks in the first place, but now it seems this whole experience is going to be my own treat.

Oh well, that’s ok. All I really feel bad about is that I forgot to tip. Honestly, cause that’s how good of a person I am.