Monday Monday

I didn’t say I was bad at it, alright? I just said I don’t like being a supervisor, I don’t like telling people what to do. Doesn’t mean I can’t do it, or that I don’t know how.

Alright?

Tomorrow we’re driving to Boise to have my biometrics taken. Should hopefully just be a matter of formality. Hopefully.

Two days out of the office during finals week and the week of our most major event. That’s not good. That’s sort of pissy planning there, Mr. Immigration Services.

But if there’s anybody who’s real good at bossing people around. It’s him.

Hm...what to think?

Another rather sunny rather cold day. A little homework, leftovers and a walk around town with Tiffany. She’s all medically knowledgeable, which works out good for me, cause trying to google symptoms, you know…. You get so many answers that by the time you shut the computer off you have at least a few tumours and a handful of viruses.
Tiffany suggested allergies. Which is crazy in a way and not so crazy in another way.
I just really hate this feeling that I can’t take a full breath. It’s like my lounges are only 80% of their normal capacity. And then I get dizzy. No runny nose, no itchy eyes. But maybe allergies still.

Oh well. Maybe when I have my biometrics taken on Tuesday they’ll scan my lounges and tell me if they look alright. That would not be worth $600. But it would make me feel like I got something out of the deal at least.

Saturday night

Shrimp and corn fritters with an Italian salad. Sitting down at a set table with no TV on, no computers, no cell phones. None of that.
That is not what we do every day. But that’s what we did tonight.

The reason is a 5 pound brick of a cookbook that Dylan invested in at Goodwill today. It probably has every recipe known to man in there. Plus a few extra bonus ones.

And now that we’ve successfully created one of all those dishes, eaten it and done the dishes, we feel all full and satisfied and good about ourselves and ready to kick back with Netflix.
Dylan likes gore, foreign, ancient and with more depth and knowledge than your average college textbook.
I like fairly light, non-complicated, preferably in a language I know and not too heavy on the morale, please.

Very, very rarely do we agree on a movie. And when we do (this never fails) it always sucks.

Go text go!

This anthropology paper is really going to be a work of pain and force.
 I’m aching it out through my fingertips.
It’s just not going to be good.
No matter what.
What was I thinking writing about something so brainy?
My main conclusion is that scientists still don’t really know how the brain works.
That’s the key point.
But I need to find a 10 page way of saying it...

Out of character

I just attended a poetry workshop by the, THE, Andrea Gibson.
It was only amazing.
She is only amazing.
That’s it.
Anyways, during a 4 minute free writing, I wrote this. Then I read it. Then I cried.
This is a strange day. So I might as well keep pouring my heart out. It likes it on my sleeve.

Don’t stay here.

Don’t go too far away.
Learn English. Learn it well.

Don’t speak it.

Don’t live English.

Use it. Use them.
Don’t be it. Don’t be them.
Are you like them now?

Are you them?

My uncle said: She had to marry a foreigner cause apparently Sweden is not big enough for her to find somebody.

 Too picky. Too out there. Too special.

Don’t English.

Use it.

Who are you? What are you now?

Speak it. Don’t be it.
Do you remember?

Of course I remember.

I’m still you.

I’m the same.

It’s just language.

It’s not me.

Dilemma

I just handed in my final project.
And even more just did I realize I forgot to organize my sources into alphabetical order in the bibliography.
I just spaced it. It’s one of those things you do at the very end, right before you’re completely done.
And I forgot. Goddammit.


So… now, then.
Do I send my professor an e-mail of explanation and offer/ask permission to fix the problem and hand in a new and properly structured version.
Or….
Or do I say nothing and hope he won’t care? Or even notice...

@ the hair place

I just got my hair cut.

-So when you blow dry your hair…
- I never blow dry my hair…

-No, I totally know what you mean, I don’t want to spend more than 45 minutes on my hair…
- Jeez, I spend maybe 3 minutes… 10 if I’m going somewhere nice or feel ambitious.

- What kind of leave in conditioner do you currently use?
- Ehm, like none….

I'm telling you, cooking shows and hairdressers, they make me feel really lazy.   

Workshop

Puffy clouds in my wine glass are ideas.
Made of sweet and dry, earth and dirt.
They come from places far away.

Up is like down when you don’t know how to read a map.
What does it matter what way is north when there is no sun?

And, if you don’t know where you’re going, you probably won’t get there.
Sometimes that’s the best part.

They changed the layout of this stuff and now I'm all confused.... Is this facebook or something? I mean, can't they just stay with what works? It has been crazy warm and nice today but I've been stuck inside most of the day. Can't wait for school to be over so I can live without that little voice in my head constantly telling me I need to study. Anyways, movie time. 4 lions. I'll let you know...

No more fun, cause I said so..

I put a blog block on myself. I can’t write anything other than my paper for the next hour and a half. Here’s a sample of what I’m working with….

In resonance with these observations it has also been suggested by several scientists that there is an aspect of automatization surrounding a person’s native tongue that is not present in languages studied and learned later in life. Fabbro echos this in The Bilingual Brain: Cerebral Representation of Languages (p. 219) and Aglioti et al. agrees that a person’s native language tends to operate through “memory systems which differ from those used for other languages, especially when the latter are acquired later in life” (p.1552)
When it comes to aphasia, as mentioned it affects monolinguals and bilinguals alike, but there are differences in how the effects of this damage to the language center are displayed among affected individuals. In a monolingual person, the degree of language loss or inaccessibility is only visible and measurable in one language. In a bilingual subject, damage can be made, to different degrees nonetheless, to both or all languages. Fabbro states that “several clinical studies have shown that bilingual aphasics do not necessarily manifest the same language disorders with the same degree of severity in both languages” (p.203)


It’s so exciting, I know.
Hate to leave you with such a cliff hanger…
Bet you can’t wait to find out who did it?

What I learned during the board meeting

Me: how do you say your last name again…..
She: Kostohoryz
Me: wow…. that’s not even close to what I was gonna guess…
She: it rhymes with clitoris
Me:…. and now I won’t forget it

H2O

If you drink 40oz of water real fast, sure your skin might be thanking you… but you won’t hear it cause the toilet is calling your name, louder.
My boss drinks more water than anybody I know, and every once in a while, I feel inspired and start downing the clear stuff too.
Just lots of it, thinking my kidneys and whatnot are just dancing with joy.
Then I have to pee really bad.
And that just really interrupts me starring at my screen waiting for the writing flow to kick in.

Who said drugs don't work?

I had “can’t sit, can’t breathe, can’t think, just shoot me” type of cramps today. I was huffing and puffing and ready to scream.
So my boss gave me two Tylenol.
Didn’t do a damn thing so I went home and took a prescription strength Ibuprofin. Then I went to class but had to leave after a half hour since I felt like people thought I had something contagious and I thought I was going to pass out.
So I went back home and took a Mexican pain killer Dylan scored from aunt Jeanie this weekend.
Bingo!
That killed it.
I felt so good I even decided I could pull of our work related evening event.
I flew to campus on a cloud and only now am I starting to feel like I’m about to land.

Reality check

1 in 4 college women will be affected by sexual assault.
That’s a lot.
That’s you or somebody you know.
Yet when lecturing about it, peoples’ eyes gloss over and they get the “this has nothing to do with me” look on their faces.

Then they go home and prepare emergency kits for Zombie attacks.

Good for you.... Do I know you?

I’m sitting on the patio behind the River Run Lodge. I can still feel the last run of the season in my legs and we just toasted to a great closing weekend, a great season and great friends.
Champagne in my cup and sunshine on my face.
Life, as they say, is good.

I say “this is so nice. I don’t want to go back to reality…”

Jaenie says “ah… I know it. Who likes reality?”

Weird lady next to us says “I do. I love reality. I love my job. Love my career. I am very successful.”

That’s it. Sun Valley attracts sun, money and wierdos.

Pins & Links

I quit pintrest. I never really started it. I just recived a request and joined and then I didn’t really do anything else with it. But everyday I’d get like three e-mails informing me that everyone I’ve ever known and their grandmothers were “now following me on Pintrest”
Which is bizarre since there was nothing to follow.
So yesterday I finally called it good and closed my account.

I’m tempted to do the same with Linkedin since it works very much in the same way for me. I don’t do anything with my profile, mostly ignore requests and get stressed by all the e-mails and updates I just delete without reading.
But if you’re not linked in, you might be linked out. And there’s something about that that just makes me queasy.
Plus I read an article the other day that listed Linkedin as one of the most important social networks for a successful career. So, in my mind that means just having an account, even though it’s as inactive as a stuffed sloth, is better for my career not having one at all...

Tip

We watched a movie called In the Loop last night. Pretty sure that's title... something with a loop, in any case. It's about politicans and even though that sounds dryer than cotton, it was really funny.
I was doing homework and not really paying attention when D started it, then I kind of started watching.... thinking "this is funny, finally a show I wouldn't mind getting into!"
an hour later I was like "jeez, how are long are these episodes, I need to go to bed..."
That's when I found out it was a movie.
But a good movie.
You should watch it.

Eggy

I woke up feeling full still. Good Easter, good food. Too much food. Not enough Easter. Could have handled another day off.

Sunshine making me feel like summer is close. School work making me feel like there’s not enough time left on the semester.

I have an appointment with Homeland Security to have my lungs x-rayed in Boise, May 1st.
How fun.
If I were to be x-rayed right now you’d see like a dozen eggs in my belly. Seriously.
Eggs have cholesterol in them right….? I think I just seriously upped my cholesterol by
like
much
in less than 24 hours.

That's all.

No no no...

Dear computer,
I know I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate you. Sorry about that. I know I sometimes handle you in an ungentle fashion and I realize you don’t appreciate getting mayonnaise, popcorn grease and bread crumbs between your keys. I wouldn’t either. So your reaction now is not uncalled for, I had it coming and I deserve it. But pretty please don’t quit working on me. I promise to be better. Okay?
I’ll even clean the screen for you right now… how’s that? Better?
At least tell me you’ll think about working this one out… your death, if it were to come to that, would be extremely untimely.
So please hang in there, m’kay?
Love you

Many moons later

Yesterday a girl in my seminar said
”you know you’re old when ‘I’m never drinking again!’ turns into ‘I just can’t drink like I used to’…”

I also overheard two girls talking about rapidly decreasing odds of getting hitched
Girl 1: I feel like I’m never going to find somebody….like really, seriously never.
Girl 2: I know me too! I’m going to be single for ever!
Girl 1: yeah… and even if I do get married it’s going to be super late and I’ll be all old. Like 25!
Girl 2: I know, right….

Then my hearing aid quit working so I didn’t quite catch the rest.
Today Dylan is limping around, claiming he got his first old man injury, playing soccer last night he felt fine and woke up this morning with a pulled hamstring or something.

But personally, I felt the oldest I have in a while when I recently caught myself thinking “how the heck I am supposed to know what an 8 year old thinks is cool, or what a 6 year old would like? ” while shopping for b-day presents.
Then I flashbacked to birthdays of my own, long gone, and remembered rolling my eyes over nerdy, totally not cool presents from my own aunts…. Wondering how it could possibly be so hard for them to realize what was cool versus so not hip I wouldn’t even want to donate it to the less fortunate.

And many moons later, it’s me standing there holding up a tiny little black top with a sparkly print thinking “well, wouldn’t this just look super cute on her!”
At least I’ll be many oceans away when she rolls her eyes at it…

You reach that point in paper writing where you’re just like “definitely not my finest work, still have time to go through and improve it. I could do it. Improve my grade, right here… But I won’t. I just don’t care enough…”
and you turn it in and hope never to see it again.

Semester count down

I do not appreciate coming back from spring break, with a mid-term due Wednesday, to flip to April in my calendar and realize that the final papers and projects are due in 3 weeks.
Yaikes.
And we’re supposed to go to Sun Valley and ski closing weekend, next weekend.
How. Will. This. Work?

It will though, because even though I hate when he says it, Dylan is right in stating “it’ll get done, it always does. Somehow...”

That’s also a sign you’ve been going to school for a long ass time, when you know that’s true.
You stress and you freak and you sweat and you move into a computer lab with diet coke, pretzels and unseen amounts of sweets and when you come out… it’s summer and it’s all over.
This time around.

I just Wal-Marted

I go to Wal-Mart every once in a while. Not often. Not rarely. I like going by myself, with all the time in the world to browse the hair care aisle and make up aisle and, if I happen to feel like it, spend 15 minutes looking at multivitamins and band aids I have no intention whatsoever of buying.
I can’t do that when Dylan is with me, he doesn’t get window shopping for supplies you don’t need at all.

Most of the time though, I’m in and out within the half hour. But today, tonight, after dinner I went out there and spent almost 2 hours smelling candles, shopping for a new mascara and picking out birthday presents for my niece and nephews.
Dylan was sleeping. He’s been sleeping most of today.
So I grabbed my Swedish bank card (makes me feel like I’m getting even lower prices since the currency exchange rate works in my favour) and went to town. Literally, because Wal-Mart is in Chubbuck, not Pocatello.

Sunday nights at Wal-Mart are pretty slow. But I did see a real tweaker for the first time. He was picking out shampoo while I was comparing straightening lotions (a product I have yet to even try) and then he was in front of me in the check-out line. He was skinny as a lizard. Had bulging eyes with swollen, purple bags under them and bought a 24 pack of Dr. Pepper. And he was tweaking. So much so I finally understood the meaning of the verb.

When I came home the smallish size healthy batch of rice crispy treats I made had set and I ate the whole thing save for one piece.
Pretty sure that’s the point of making a healthy version of a treat, right?