A Face Full of Smarties

I wonder if this year’s Halloween will do to Smarties what last year’s did to TootsieRolls? Right now it does seem we’re heading that way. Although we might run out before I can totally overeat on those powdery little things.

Next year I will be ready with candy earlier so I won’t miss the littlest trick or treaters, they’re the cutest. First group I opened the door to today were old enough to have their own kids - by southeast Idaho standards at least.

One of those crisp, sunny autumn days you should really spend at an orchard or in the woods. Me and Tiffany took Shooter for a walk and now I have to get serious about this godam paper proposal. But I just click around on random blogs instead, getting a glimpse of what other people are doing or did this Sunday.

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Halloween

It’s kind of ironic that I’m doing Halloween as princess Leia. Twice. Considering Star Wars is one of two movies I’ve walked out of the theatre while it was still playing.

But it’s not a bad costume….people get who I am, it’s reasonably comfortable, I get to have cool hair and a gun.

The other movie was the Devil’s Advocate.In case you were wondering. Piece of crap that one, Keanu.

I'm spelling it out....read me

I’m not feeling it. When my eyes look like this and I have tears in my voice, can’t you tell I’m not feeling it? Stop talking to me. Leave me alone. The outside is actually reflecting the inside right now, so please back off.

gross kid in class

Today in class I peeled off most of the fancy nail polish I got at the manicure two weeks ago. I have remover at the house, I’m just too lazy to actually use it. Anyways, I got some tiny flakes and some real big pieces and when class was over I had a little sparkling pile on my desk that I brushed into my palm and dumped into the trash.
Then I looked up to see the face of the guy who had been sitting behind me. He looked like I had been picking my nose all class long and then put my buggers on a sandwich….
I didn’t think nail polish was that gross. I mean, I get that it’s not exactly the classiest behaviour I was conducting here…. But come on, it’s not that bad, right?

Lazy ass

So if I spend two hours today translating texts for your project, you think you could do a little something for me?
It won’t take more than half an hour.
No?
Ok.
Just checking.
Glad we left bright and early this morning so we could be back in time for your nap.

Casual Friday, I’ve been wearing my yoga pants all day at work. Love it.
If I didn’t have to (or felt the pressure to) sometimes dress up for work and other occasions, I’d wear gym clothes all the time. And my hair is finally long enough to wear in a high knot, like a big saggy bun on the top of my head. Which is great cause now I can literally do my hair in less than a minute.
I’m pretty high fashion.

5000 candles in the wind

You know when you get those childhood flashbacks and for a second it’s just like you were 5 again and totally oblivious of dead-lines, midterms, pay checks and all those grown up headaches. All you care about is who makes better hot chocolate (mom or grandma?) and how late you can stay up tonight.
I get those moments from candles. In the winter time we’d always have candles on the kitchen table and eat breakfast and dinner with no other light (except the one over the sink so you could actually see to butter your toast) and I’ve loved candle light ever since. We’d even have a candle in the bathroom (only in the winter) and I’d light it, shower real warm and barely be able to see my feet.

I picked up a few scented candles from Wal-Mart the other day. I’m not denying being a big fan of a lot of the real American scents like Mulled Cider, Pecan Pie, Hot Apple Pie, Pumpkin Spice and I decided it’s finally fall enough to really crank those out.
But there’s nothing sentimental about the scented candles. To get the real spirit, I need the plain white long candles, burning the cat’s whiskers, the plants in the window, all the kids’ fingers and sometimes a little piece of the table cloth.
Now that’s childhood.

I lied

I was so full of shit. As if talking about inner peace would some how make it happen. Not so.

If this is the easy way out, it definitely wasn’t easy to take. If had a normal boss who wasn’t cool with her staff crying hysterically in their office instead of working for at least an hour a day, maybe I would have had to make this decision a long time ago, now it came down to last minute. But I sent the e-mails, I went and talked to the department secretary (embarassed I cried in front of her), now all I have to do is go online and officially drop the class.

It sucks, I feel like such a quitter. But I couldn’t do it any longer. I’ve cried every day for the last two weeks. I’ve had a non-stop stomach ache, been waking up in the middle of the night freaking out about school, I haven’t had lunch in over a week. I hate the bitter grouch I've become. I physically cannot do it any longer.

stress that

Seriously, I’m so sick of leaving class every Monday night feeling like the biggest idiot ever. You know what, I already have a master’s degree- in my first language. I should have nothing to prove to you high-brow, nose in the air, stick up your butt smart asses.
I keep saying it, and I’m going to really try to live by it too… life is too short to freak out about shit that really doesn’t matter in the long run. All I can do it is my best, and I plan on trying, but there has to be time to smell the rain and enjoy the leaves falling too…otherwise what’s the point?

Buddha in da house

I never read self help books like that Chicken Soup for the Soul series, and whenever I hear advice on how to find inner peace, stress less, be a better person etc etc. I just scoff and let it go in one ear and out the other. But a while back I overheard something that has really stuck.
Someone said
“whenever I feel overwhelmed, like it’s just all too much and I can’t cope, I look up at the sky and remember how big the world is and how small I am”

Not blown away?
I wasn’t either. Never thought I’d remember it, let alone try it, but I did. And I did. And it helps.

My midterm and my presentation and the fact that our speaker for the biggest event this fall is flaking out on us three days before he’s supposed to come to Pocatello… it won’t change the universe one bit. It feels so big but it’s really so small. And most things are when put into perspective.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go cross my legs and chant oohmmmmm for the rest of the afternoon.

Hot coffee under heavy skies

Gray and rainy mornings fit my mood so well. I’m not sad or anything, but sunshine when I’m stressed just makes me feel inadequate and like I need to be all cheerful when I’m not, or don’t have time to be.
My presentation last night went all right, but I swear to God, my English is never as bad as when I speak in my seminar classes. My fifth grade self was probably more accomplished in oral English. It’s seriously embarrassing. I get so nervous I forget how to pronounce words and sound really fresh off the boat, and then when class is over, I go right back to speaking like a person. It’s not intentional, but I bet some people in my class think I’m doing it to milk foreigner points or something.

Finally

Oh Dear Fall, Welcome.
You have been most longed after. Now please stay and make yourself comfortable and I shall buy pumpkin spice and warm apple pie scented candles and start wearing socks every day. Like it.

Sunday

Another Sunday, another bunch of reading to get done for class tomorrow night.
This weekend was homecoming and it was pretty cool to actually have the parade pass by our house. It was the longest parade I’ve ever seen, almost surprised there were any people left in town to watch it. Dylan and the dudes went tailgating and did the whole game thing… but since I don’t care for football and also wanted to get a paper done, I hid in a computer lab for the afternoon.

The Bengals lost. I don’t know who they played. I got my paper done.