No no no...

Dear computer,
I know I don’t always tell you how much I appreciate you. Sorry about that. I know I sometimes handle you in an ungentle fashion and I realize you don’t appreciate getting mayonnaise, popcorn grease and bread crumbs between your keys. I wouldn’t either. So your reaction now is not uncalled for, I had it coming and I deserve it. But pretty please don’t quit working on me. I promise to be better. Okay?
I’ll even clean the screen for you right now… how’s that? Better?
At least tell me you’ll think about working this one out… your death, if it were to come to that, would be extremely untimely.
So please hang in there, m’kay?
Love you